THE CONDUIT SPEAKS

The Jasper Trout Adventures: RELEASED!!!

2012-02-23T08:45:00.000-05:00

BUY THE BOOK HERE

(eBook & Smart Phone App COMING SOON!)

T H E S T O R Y

As “Zombies Ate My Homework: A Jasper Trout Adventure” opens, we are immediately introduced to Jasper: an 8 year old boy who lives a seemingly normal life in small town America. Jasper enjoys watching scary movies, reading comic books, and using his considerable imagination. He however, does not particularly enjoy school; mostly due to his rocky relationship with his homeroom teacher: Ms. Pottyworth. She is a woman who seems to spend all her time directing her anger at her students, particularly Jasper.

From the moment Jasper wakes up on this October morning, things just aren't right. Not only does he find that his parents are missing, but there is a less than welcomed guest in his kitchen: a hideously hungry ghoul rummaging through his backpack. Our hero runs out of his house and makes his way frantically to Beedlebop Elementary, not knowing the type of day that lies ahead of him. As the story progresses, we are introduced to a variety of colorful characters: students, teachers, townsfolk, and the like. The a fore mentioned Ms. Pottyworth, who as if not already enough of a pain in Jasper's neck, will prove to be his most dangerous adversary as his journey continues. Principal Woodruff who runs the school with both an iron fist and a warm heart. And old man Teege: owner of Beedlebop's antique shop, who has many secrets and holds the key to Jasper's future.

As the zombie invasion envelopes Jasper's school, his classmates, and the town of Beedlebop; everyone's courage is tested. However, it is young Jasper who truly rises to the challenge and rallies the rest of the children in an attempt to stop the attack. Finding strength and confidence he never knew existed within himself, and friends in unlikely places, Jasper uses his creativity and cunning to outwit and outsmart the monsters and restore peace to his town. Once the dust settles, it's off to Teege's Antiques for a talk that will change everything. Old man Teege begins to reveal things to Jasper that are nearly impossible to believe. However, with the day's events now behind him, these incredible facts are also hard to ignore.

It is made quite clear that the town of Beedlebop is under attack from forces beyond anyone's control. They cannot be stopped from occurring, but as destiny has it, the only one who can prevent them from spreading across the world is Jasper. Ghosts, goblins, monsters of all makes, and any paranormal phenomena that can be imagined are about to rain down on the unsuspecting town. Blending together action, adventure, the power of teamwork, age appropriate humor, and eye-popping illustrations: “The Jasper Trout Adventures” is intended to be a source of enjoyment for all those who read it.

T H E C H A R A C T E R S

NAME

Jasper Trout

OCCUPATION

3rd Grader, Beedlebop Elementary

LIKES

Reading Comics, Scary Movies, Gary The Ghoul, and Nachos

DISLIKES

School, Ms. Pottyworth, Cats, and Brussel Sprouts

NAME

Ms. Pottyworth

OCCUPATION

3rd Grade Teacher, Beedlebop Elementary

LIKES

Yelling, Screaming, Pointing Her Finger, Snooping

DISLIKES

Kids, Adults, and Animals

NAME

Teege

OCCUPATION

Owner/Operator Teege's Antiques

LIKES

Children, Talking About The Old Days, and History

DISLIKES

Mean People, Mean Animals, and Mean Monsters

NAME

Zombie

OCCUPATION

Eating Brains

LIKES

Eating Brains

DISLIKES

Things Without Brains

theCONDUITspeaks: episodeSEVEN

2012-02-01T09:14:00.001-05:00

Modern Extreme and Subversive Genre Films are discussed with my friend (artist and musician) Thomas Yagodinski of ALLTHECOLORSOFTHEDARK.COM and the band THE OTHER SIDE OF MORNING... We focus on A SERBIAN FILM, IRREVERSIBLE, GUMMO, and ADAM CHAPLIN.

Other films mentioned include: THE VOMIT GORE TRILOGY, AUGUST UNDERGROUND, THE GUINEA PIG SERIES, THE BUNNY GAME, CANNIBAL, LITTLE DEATHS, HOUSE OF FLESH MANNEQUINS, LA PETITE MORT, ANTICHRIST, GROTESQUE, PIG, MARTYRS, etc... etc...

Listen HERE

theCONDUITspeaks: episodeSIX

2012-01-26T11:21:00.000-05:00

I take a look at the films that I'm looking forward to (and why) in 2012.

Listen HERE.

Adam Chaplin Review

2012-01-23T22:22:00.003-05:00

First, a big thank you to my dear friend TJY. Reminiscent of the old tape trading days, ADAM CHAPLIN came to me via his sweaty horror loving hands. A film I had been eagerly anticipating (one that is only available for purchase through the NECROSTORM website) had finally found it's way into my home. From what I had already seen via YOUTUBE, and read on the company's website, I was instantly enamored with the idea of a group of people who wanted to revisit and channel the ruthless gore and splatter of days gone by. Granted, more subversive horror out of Asia, Germany, and the like can certainly deliver the goods. There are even some North American filmmakers who like to dabble in the goo and grue. The thing is, those films often feel (and come off as) nauseatingly mean spirited or simply sophomoric and uber-exploitative. For me, there's a very odd fine line that is rarely intelligently danced upon and often crossed. My hope was that ADAM CHAPLIN and his merry band of Italian auteurs would be able to infuse genuine reverence for the sub-genre that sends 14 year old boys into gleeful fits over cinematic gory goodness. The type of heart and soul that (full disclosure) does the same to 37 year old "farts" like me.

ADAM CHAPLIN tells the story of, well, Adam Chaplin. A man who once seemingly had everything he ever wanted: in love with a woman who loved him just as fiercly in return. Through a series of flashbacks we get a chance to glimpse their bliss, but also how it all came to a rather abrupt and tragic end. Seems Chaplin's lady was in debt to a particularly nasty brute of a man who didn't take kindly to her being late on repayment. So naturally, lackies in tow, this deformed hulk douses her in gasoline and sets her on fire. Flash forward and we are smack dab in the here and now. Adam has joined forces with a slimy, nihilistic, nasty little, shoulder riding demon that has promised him revenge against those who so quickly put an end to his happiness. The plan is for him to be reunited with his wife once he has smashed, hacked, and torn limb from limb each and every low life responsible. Endowed with super human strength, an unrelenting blood lust, and the a fore mentioned singular focus of revenge; what follows is, in the eyes of the fine folks over at NECROSTORM, "the bloodiest film ever made."

Make no mistake about it: ADAM CHAPLIN is nothing short of a blood soaked, skull smashing, torso pulping orgy. Aided by some rather obscene CGI enhanced blood effects known as HABS: Hyperrealistic Anime Blood Symulation (I shit you not. That's what it's called and how it's spelled.) the violence on display from the very first frame is a gorehound's crimson soaked wetdream. The story and often clunky English subtitles are truly irrelevant here. Whether or not there was a genuine attempt made to cast some empathy on the main character and the plight leading to his vengeance, turns out to be equally irrelevant as well. What is, however, brought front and center throughout the film's run time is that the guys and gals at work within the production company's walls are as passionate about finding new and disgusting ways to rearrange the human body as I'm sure Peter Pan is about the creaminess of his peanut butter. Admittedly built on a shoe-string budget and filled with actors doing their best to "do their best," CHAPLIN succeeds against all odds. With an odd blue haze cast over the entire film ( which helps give it a look and feel far beyond it's budget), musical queues that punctuate every moment of violence perfectly, and a tongue-in-cheek sincerity that allows every drop of blood and clump of mangled flesh to tug gently at the viewer's heart strings; ADAM CHAPLIN is a massive achievement. It's a movie that wears it's inevitable stereotypes with pride, made by people who are not ashamed of what they love: blood, and lots of it.

2011

Director: Emanuele De Santi

Starring: Emanuele De Santi, Alessandro Gramanti, and Paolo Luciani

8/10

Nailbiter Review

2012-01-21T12:31:00.004-05:00

I think back fondly on the 1996 release of TWISTER. Natural disaster films had yet to totally saturate the cinema and it felt like a less complicated, more sincere form of entertainment. As the tornadoes touched down and ripped through the homes and fields of rural Oklahoma; the viewer was also privy to an emotional battle within the eye of each storm. Then came aliens and premature ice ages brought on by man's deference to his Earth. Asteroids needing to be split in half like coconuts over monkey's heads and tidal waves that engulfed THE CHRYSLER BUILDING. It became (and still remains) about the gross spectacle that CGI creates with emotional gravitas so flimsy and fleeting that the viewer is left with nothing to do but stare blankly at the silver screen, vigorously mouth breathing as strands of saliva bungee jump from their chins. It all seemed so pointless and contrived. We see the "disaster," but we so rarely are ALLOWED to witness and/or feel the intimate and profound ways the people caught in the chaos are dealing with it. Do they cower silently and wait it out? Do they play MONOPOLY by candle light hoping beyond hope that their kids don't force their hands into a two hour HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPO marathon? Or, in the case of Patrick Rea's NAILBITER: is there something far worse than the field dwelling funnel clouds lurking in the storm cellar you've inevitably holed yourselves up in?

NAILBITER is the story of wife and mother Jennifer Maguire and her daughters Sally, Jennifer, and Alice. Jen's military husband is ready to land after a tour of duty in the Middle East, and the family is setting out to pick Lieutenant Maguire up from the airport. As fate would have it, the news is a blaze with weather reports warning of a series of storms that will bring high winds, heavy rain, softball sized hail, and tornadoes with it. We're deep in the heart of "twister" country and all accounts point to a nasty meteorological event. Nevertheless, mother and daughters press on for three main reasons: they miss their daddy/hubby, mom's four months sober (struggling with it) and needs her love to lean on, and well; because sometimes people make poor choices when they're leading with their hearts. The girls start driving, the weather intensifies, and they are inevitably forced off the road. With the funnel literally tearing the scenery around them apart, they find a storm cellar at the base of an old country home, break in, and prepare to "bunker down." Once the "dust settles;" the quartet are left with debris blocking their exit, something sinister pacing the perimeter of the home's foundation, and a wounded child (after a failed attempt to leave through a basement window ends in a nasty bite from an even nastier creature). Queue creepy music, a small town with a shit ton of secrets, and cellphones that function (but are interfered with by the unstable atmospheric conditions), and NAILBITER is off and running.

NAILBITER slides into the meat of it's narrative quickly enough. The girls are on the road within the first ten minutes and it feels as if the whole thing is moving rather briskly. At barely 80 minutes long, this is to be expected. However (much to my surprise), the second act of the film really dragged for me. The performances were fine across the board. With McCrane's mom and Ben Jeffrey's Deputy Carr being nothing short of inspired turns. Yet, there I was, failing to be drawn in by the characters' plight, waiting for the action (more action), and feeling like I was watching a much longer film. This is VERY unlike me and not at all what I expected. What kept me from falling by the wayside during this 30 minute (or so) lull, was the considerable talents of the film's director. Rea has delivered an absolutely gorgeous palate and the BluRay screener I had really was a beaut. From the CGI'd tornadoes, to the practical creature effects (yes, at it's heart NAILBITER is a monster movie), all the way down to the skill with which each scene was lit; the movie is a massive success. Taking place mostly in the dark, it finds itself illuminated mostly by flickering bulbs, lanterns, and flash light. Such success with this technical "hurdle" is to be commended and envied. Having been able to watch a few of Rea's short films (all very good), NAILBITER is a strong progression and is undoubtedly set up for a sequel in it's closing moments. The monsters are absolutely hideous; and although we only see them one piece at a time, they're still quite frightening. With a beautifully pertinent (sometimes downright frightening) score woven into the story itself; there's a lot to enjoy and appreciate with this indie horror flick. Just don't go into it expecting a pants shitting horror movie experience. Then again, who actually enjoys shitting their pants? Better to just digress. Let's just say it's a very good movie. NAILBITER hearkens back to a time when genre films were made with heart, for fun, and with more on it's mind than just shock and awe.

2012

Director: Patrick Rea

Starring: Erin McGrane, Meg Saricks, Sally Spurgeon, Emily Boresow

7/10

Truly Wonderful Film Posters

2012-01-17T22:33:00.000-05:00

Although a few of the films listed here don't necessarily "float my boat," the brilliance of each "one sheet" cannot (in my mind) be denied. A lost art, that now too frequently relies on "ripping off" or slightly altering the work of others; the images found below are examples of a more daring and honest approach to the marketing of a film. Take a look, soak them in, and marvel at the skill with which I am able to successfully navigate, cut, AND paste a Google image search. ENJOY!!!

theCONDUITspeaks: episodeFIVE

2012-01-17T09:03:00.001-05:00

A conversation with writer/director of THE OREGONIAN, Calvin Lee Reeder. Listen HERE.

Some Guy Who Kills People Review

2012-01-12T09:17:00.000-05:00

With John Landis' name being tossed around as an executive producer for the film, SOME GUY WHO KILLS PEOPLE carried a bit of underground buzz with it when it finally reached me. Who knows how much (if any) involvement he actually had with the movie. The point is essentially moot for me. If he threw a little pocket change at the $300,000 production, I'll thank him later. The film itself is much more about what's inside rather than any name slapped on it's press release or wonderfully slapstick poster. What had me chomping at the bit was it's fantastic cast: Corrigan (ace as always and one of the truly underused and under appreciated actors of our generation), Barry Bostwick (goofy genius), Leo Fitzpatrick (Telly from the eternally controversial KIDS), British ingenue and SHAUN OF THE DEAD alum Lucy Davis, and an up and coming young actor named Ariel Gade, who steals each scene she's dropped into. Oh, Karen Black also turns in a nice performance as a hyper-manic mother from Hell who spends most of her screen time belittling her son Ken (Corrigan).

The title of the movie alludes to a silly romp through slasher-ville; the trailer played up that angle as well. However, although SGWKP definitely has it's darkly comedic moments and dabbles occasionally in sidesplitting quirk brought on by life's real ups and downs, it (at it's heart) is a much more solemn and brooding look into a man in flux. That man would be Ken. Recently out of a mental institution after an attempted suicide; he now lives with his mom, works a thankless job at the local greasy spoon with his childhood friend Irv, and suffers flashbacks of the awful torture he suffered at the hands of former classmates. Bound and gagged in an old warehouse, beaten, taunted, and doused in gasoline (never set on fire), the experience was OBVIOUSLY a damaging one. Ken's the town weirdo, and while not embracing the role, he chooses to accept it and fly as far under the radar as possible. That whole radar flying deal gets considerably more difficult for our melancholy burger flipper when bodies start piling up, the local sheriff (Bostwick, who also happens to be dating Ted's mom) gets involved, and Ken's long lost 11 year old daughter (Gade) enters the picture. Did I mention a love interest that becomes the third or fourth monkey wrench in the poor guy's "works?" Well, I just did. So there's that as well.

It may sound like there's an awful lot going on here: both in Ken's life and on screen. And although that is true, it never overwhelms the film. Where SGWKP stumbles a bit is in it's finale, but only a bit. The dialogue, character beats, narrative structure, and deftness with which the whole thing is wrangled by Perez is to be commended. Every piece fits together so nicely (in it's own little space) that the viewer has plenty of time to absorb each twist, turn, and hiccup along the way. Marry that with Corrigan (who was already a film God in my mind), Bostwick, and newcomer Gade turning in career defining performances, and you end up with something pretty special. With the variety of ways this little movie could have failed, the fact that it is such a success is a testament to everyone involved. There's enough humor to be found in the human errors made along the way, enough blood and scalp splitting to whet your horror-loving appetite, and certainly more than enough heart and soul to spotlight the light and darkness found in us all. Ultimately, SGWKP can be distilled down into one simple (yet altogether life altering idea): none of us are ever as far gone as we feel, but no one other than ourselves will ever be able to truly "right" our ship.

2011

Director: Jack Perez

Starring: Kevin Corrigan and Barry Bostwick

8/10

theCONDUITspeaks: episodeFOUR

2012-01-11T10:35:00.000-05:00

A feature length film commentary of the 2007 French horror masterpiece INSIDE. Click HERE to listen.

theCONDUITspeaks: episodeTHREE

2012-01-04T10:59:00.001-05:00

THE YEAR THAT WAS... 2011

I detail my top 15 features and top 5 shorts of the year as well as discuss some films that just missed the cut (and why).

Listen HERE

Indie Horror Film SICK Is A Go...

2012-01-02T22:03:00.001-05:00

Directed by Ryan M. Andrews (BLACK EVE) and produced by Bruno Marino (ANYTHING GOES) and Zach Green (WORM, FAMILIAR) SICK went to camera in the greater Toronto area on November 3, 2011.

Besides the lead: newcomer Christina Aceto (LET IT OUT); the lineup for the film also includes: Richard Sutton (TENSIONS, LINGERIE), Robert Nolan (WORM, FAMILIAR, RED: WEREWOLF HUNTER), Maxim model Veronika London (SEARCHING FOR ANGELS) and horror icon Debbie Rochon (NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD - 30TH ANNIVERSARY, TROMEO & JULIET).

The post-Apocalyptic horror feature portrays the struggle of three survivors (Aceto, Sutton, and Nolan) forced to seek shelter in an empty home to avoid "The Sick." With trust and bullets running low, they’ll be lucky if anyone makes it out alive.

You can follow the progress of the film and catch up with the production blog at the OFFICIAL WEBSITE, the film's FACEBOOK PAGE, or at the PRODUCTION BLOG. Be sure to check back here as well; I will give progress reports as I get more info.

The 2011 Conduits

2012-01-01T16:01:00.001-05:00

Best Feature

DRIVE

Best Short

MICROCINEMA

Best Director

Mike Flanagan, ABSENTIA

Best Performance

Amy Seimetz, A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE

Best Screenplay

Kevin Smith, RED STATE

Best Practical Effects

EMBODIMENT OF EVIL

Best Score

THE LAST CIRCUS

Best Location

Earth 2, ANOTHER EARTH

Best Dialogue Free Performance

Pollyanna McIntosh, THE WOMAN

Best Use Of An Inanimate Object

DREAM HOME

(Broken Glass Bong)

Most Tragic Finale

MARTHA MARCY MAY MARLENE

Best Use Of CGI

ATTACK THE BLOCK

(Enhanced Creature Designs)

Best Documentary

KNUCKLE

Laziest Film

CHROMESKULL: LAID TO REST 2

Most Inept Direction- Short Film

Matthew Cichella, FAMOUS

Most Inept Direction- Feature Film

Zack Snyder, SUCKER PUNCH

Worst Screenplay

Robert Hall, CHROMESKULL: LAID TO REST 2

Totally Wooden Performance

Brandon Routh, DYLAN DOG

Best Remake

THE ORPHAN KILLER

(The original's called HALLOWEEN and it's been done to death)

Worst Remake

STRAW DOGS

Worst Use Of CGI

GREEN LANTERN

Ridiculously Bombastic Music In A Film

INCEPTION

Worst Third Act

INSIDIOUS

Film Everyone Loves & I Don't Get
TUCKER AND DALE VS. EVIL

The Year That Was... 2011

2011-12-31T13:09:00.000-05:00

Before we dive into the year that was 2011, I wanted to remind everyone of my top 10 list from 2010. Once you've refreshed your memory with those fine films, you will find my 5 favorite short films as well as my 15 favorite feature films (of 2011). Be sure to keep your eyes open for the next episode of THE CONDUIT SPEAKS PODCAST where I will be going into detail regarding my picks as well as discussing more films that just missed the cut. ENJOY!!!

10 Dread

09 YellowBrickRoad

08 Blood River

07 Dawning

06 Amer

05 The Bunny Game

04 Fetch (American Maniacs)

03 Necromentia

02 The Horseman

01 Red, White, and Blue

Now... 2011...

05   DOLL BOY

04   DATE NIGHT

03   WORM

02   BRUTAL RELAX

01   MICROCINEMA

15   THE SUPER

14   EMBODIMENT OF EVIL

13   LITTLE DEATHS

12   UNHAPPY BIRTHDAY

11   THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

10   SCALENE

09 MARTHA MARCY MAY MARLENE

08 THE INNKEEPERS

07 THE OREGONIAN

06 THE WOMAN

05 RED STATE

04 ABSENTIA

03 THE LAST CIRCUS

02 A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE

01 DRIVE

FAMILIAR Review

2011-12-30T23:24:00.004-05:00

When FATAL PICTURES' partner/producer Zach Green informed me that he, Director Richard Powell, and actor Robert Nolan had another short film for me to take a look at, I was thrilled to pieces. Their last endeavor: WORM, truly fractured my psyche. Not only was it emotionally taxing, but it also played heavily on thoughts and feelings many of us often toy with, but never act upon. Being a family man myself, I was a bit nervous knowing that FAMILIAR's narrative existed in a world I have been fully immersed in for the better part of 10 years. Thankfully I can say with complete honesty that I've never entertained the types of fantasies our central character laments throughout the film's run time. However, the writer/producer/director team once again dabble quite aggressively in the recesses of a guy's mind who's pretty much "had it." Not just had it with his own life, but with the lives of those around him.

Last year's WORM gave us Geoffrey Dodd. If you'd like to know more about this fine fellow, you can check out my review of that film HERE. This year we're treated to the inner monologue of what I imagine as his cross-town (and equally anguished) brother John. Same last name, same fine actor (Robert Nolan) doing the heavy lifting, and very similar (and equally destructive) self-talk by the main character. You see, John is a man at a crossroads. A self-imposed crossroads, as he is utterly and completely ready to move on from the confines of a wife and 17-19ish year old daughter. He goes through the motions as best he can, avoiding any meaningful conversation at all cost. Yet he still does the bare minimum while interacting with his family when forced to. The thing is, what John fights to grapple with in the world around him, his inner "demon" has no patience for. What starts out as a battle within one man to find solace in the life he has, deteriorates into a gruesome plan to obtain (at any and all cost) the life the devil on his shoulder desires.

Highlight of the film: another incredibly intense Robert Nolan performance. An actor I sadly have very little experience with outside of these two shorts. The man is a beast and once again seems to truly bask in the angst of the most sickening and vile of narrative voice over. Throughout FAMILIAR, what spirals both Dodd and the viewer into madness is the calm and glee with which Nolan delivers Dodd's desires and despicable plans for his family (particularly his wife). A wife played so annoyingly and pathetically by Astrida Auza, you can't help but feel a whole lot of guilt nodding your head in agreement with Dodd as he plots her demise. And just like their previous work, Powell and Nolan are Hell-bent on not just picking at the scab; they aim to find it's festering core. The narrative is not so much about what our pathetic patriarch thinks about doing, or even does. What flips the switch on this one is the moment where the psyche fractures and the devil on the shoulder becomes it's own living breathing beast that no longer wants or needs John's "permission" to act. If Cronenberg "porked" Bergman, their love child might come out looking a bit like FAMILIAR. A movie that draws us into a bitter man's soul, but also gives us a glimpse at the fleshy, filthy form it takes on in the physical world.

2011

Director: Richard Powell

Starring: Robert Nolan and Astrida Auza

8/10

20 Despicable Villains

2011-12-27T21:04:00.001-05:00

INSIDE'S Le Femme

A stone cold psycho with a singular agenda. Never has there been a villain so driven by her cause and yet, so sickeningly sympathetic when all is said and done. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2'S Martin

Just as no one else could've played Luke Skywalker, there could never have been any other Martin. Silent aside from a few gleeful squeals, pot bellied and bug eyed, and compulsively obsessed to the nth degree; Martin is what happens when humanity leaves the human.

A SERBIAN FILM'S Vukmir

Talk about a mad genius minus the genius. Vukmir strives to bring to sickening life pornography of the most taboo nature. Crossing every imaginable line, melding sex and violence, and knowing no bounds; he may just be the most disturbed human being ever set to film.

JACK KETCHUM'S THE GIRL NEXT DOOR'S Ruth Chandler
The abuse delivered in the film is absolutely sickening. What makes it even more troubling is not just children inflicting a vast amount of the pain, but the woman behind it all. A picture of 1950's era domestic mental illness; Ruth Chandler never, ever truly comprehends the evil she is orchestrating.

THE BUNNY GAME'S Hog
Too many times in film there's something missing from the antagonist. Call it lack of believability or the knowledge that they wouldn't quite "go there." That is not the case with THE BUNNY GAME'S Hog. With absolutely nothing stopping him from fulfilling his twisted "end game," this heinous brute knows absolutely no bounds.

THE DEVIL'S REJECTS' Otis

More a fan of HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES, I can't deny that Otis is much more sinister in THE DEVILS' REJECTS. Given ample opportunity to shine with some truly gruesome monologues; his rawness hearkens back to the filth and grime of 70's grind house cinema.

MANIAC'S Frank Zito

Joe Spinell IS MANIAC. A teddy bear of a man in real life, his channelling of a serial killer with mommy issues still chills. The performance feels so organic it's hard to separate the actor from the villain. Watching him affix his homemade wigs to one of his mannequins is enough to force a soiling of your favorite pair of underoos.

RED STATE'S Abin Cooper
The catalyst for everything that goes down in Kevin Smith's horrific odyssey, Cooper is equal parts father figure and insanely driven devil. Preaching of man's evils and the stain we leave on the world around us, his claim of exercising God's will makes his sins all the more unforgivable.

DREAM HOME'S Cheng Lai Sheung
Driven by a lifelong desire to live a better life, in a better home, Cheng goes to unthinkable lengths to fulfill a promise to a long deceased family member. Although her actions are grotesquely intense, it's hard not to feel a twinge of empathy for a woman so purely (if disturbingly) motivated.

THE PACK'S La Spack

Although the creature design is truly hideous, the real monster on display in this one is the plumped out, apron wearing maniac known as La Spack. Never has carrying out each grotesque step of a nightmarish plan ever seemed so calculated and matter of fact.

THE RUNNING MAN'S Damon Killian

A ridiculous man in a ridiculous world. The creepiest part is that this character isn't all that far from Dawson's FAMILY FEUD persona. Major difference being: Killian doesn't just play to a game show crowd, he's what fuels their blood lust.

HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER'S Henry

A brilliant portrayal of a wolf in sheep's clothing. Calm, quiet, and unassuming, yet ready to snap at a moments notice. Not seeming like someone who would ever need a "partner in crime," the desire to share his "sickness" comes to fruition when he takes on an apprentice.

CASINO'S Nicky Santoro

It's commonplace to think of Pesci as typecast in these types of roles. All that aside, CASINO's is my favorite. Giving another performance grounded in one hell of a Napoleon complex, he shines. The only thing that's more intense than Nicky's swagger is how he gets his comeuppance.

NARC'S Henry Oak
Living firmly in the gray area between twisted "at all cost" morality and dirty as Hell cop, Oak is often more than a little difficult to figure out. Liotta channels the character with just enough compassionate venom to make him not just a memorable screen villain, but also a truly terrifying turncoat.

THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION'S Bogs Diamond

The truth is there hidden quietly under the jokes. Go to jail, get targeted, endure butt-fucking. A truly despicable human who's not just a product of his environment, but relishes the hunt as much as the money shot.

SLEEPERS' Sean Nokes
Although he gets what's coming to him fairly early in the film, there aren't many more detestable screen meanies out there. The swagger Nokes glides in and out of the situations he creates is downright mortifying. The fact that he truly cannot see the pain and tragedy he inflicts on others makes him that much more irredeemable.

APOCOLYPSE NOW'S Colonel Kurtz
Is he crazy, power hungry, bent on self-destruction, or a little bit of all three? Kurtz really is an enigma wrapped in a riddle and dipped in what the fuck. Not only is he utterly consumed with his twisted inner-dialogue, but he suffers no conscious when it comes to doing whatever he deems necessary to maintain his "position."

BAD LIEUTENANT'S The Lieutenant

There are dirty cops and then there's Keitel's "Lieutenant." Played to such extremes: it's like watching a burning locomotive with a full head of steam charging straight toward a school bus filled with rosy-cheeked toddlers and driven by nuns. There aren't too many men that truly frighten me; I'd sooner slit my own throat than hop in this guy's ride.

MISERY'S Annie Wilkes

Yes, she is YOUR number one fan. If the "hobbling" scene doesn't illustrate the lengths this woman will go to get her way; I don't know what would. A deeply unnerving exploration of just how far off the rails the human mind can veer.

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE'S Sheriff Hoyt

As one of the few people that absolutely adores this remake, Hoyt is a BIG reason why. Completely off his rocker, the man is flat-out insane. One of the most quintessentially villainous moments in genre film history comes when he confronts our protagonists and their hitchhiking pal who is literally riding shotgun.

My Favorite "Monsters"

2011-12-22T09:05:00.003-05:00

ALIEN'S "FACE-HUGGER"

It goes without saying that the HR GIGER designs which carry throughout the entire ALIEN franchise are some of the most iconic and frightening concepts in film history. Although a strong case can certainly be made for the actual aliens, the FACE-HUGGER (for me) is truly nightmarish. I still remember the first time I saw that thing on someone, and I'll obviously never forget. Perhaps compounded by the fact that I suffer a bit of claustrophobia in the real world; there isn't much else that would truly terrify me. Not to mention swallowing alien spunk, followed by a rapidly gestating alien fetus, and the joy of experiencing an alien chest burst first hand.

THE PACK'S "PACK"

Although not a classic or particularly original monster by any means; the creatures in this French horror film are pretty damn nasty. Aided by an incredibly atmospheric entrance, "The Pack" ratchet up the creepy for sure. These humanoid zombie, bat, feline thing-ies are a fun entry into the world of practical monster effects. From the moment they crawl from the earth, to watching them track their prey through sent alone; I couldn't help but be fascinated by just how awful it would be to find yourself completely immobilized and watching these things creeping ever so close. If ever there was a single minded hunter, "The Pack" is it.

ATTACK THE BLOCK'S "ALIEN APES"

From 2011's little British sci-fi film that could, comes the "Alien Apes." I'm not really sure what else to call them. A magical blending of practical and CGI effects, these vicious balls of fur are gleefully intense. ATTACK THE BLOCK is a kind of MONSTER SQUAD on meth and aside from some wonderful human performances, these glow-tooth guys steal the show. With their pitch black fur, hulking frames, and bright blue teeth gnashing away; the film receives instant adrenaline whenever they're on screen. Not so much scary as fascinating to watch, these things are a welcomed return to good old fashioned, jump out of your seat monster movies.

JOHN CARPENTER'S THE THING'S "THING"

I know, it's a painfully obvious choice. But there's no way a list of MY favorite movie monsters would ever be complete without Rob Bottin's master-work. Each and every time I sit down with this film, I am not only totally immersed in the creature designs, but always seem to be surprised. Bottin's designs are so brain-scramblingly gruesome, I can't help but notice something new with every viewing. I guess the fact that "The Thing" really doesn't have an "origin form" (that we see) makes it that much more hideous. It's always a little bit host and a whole lot fucked. Dogs with tentacles, spiders with human heads, and so on. I get gloriously nauseous just thinking about it.

SPLINTER'S "STICKY BLACK GOO THINGY"

I don't know if SPLINTER really flew under as many people's radar as I think, or if it's just not that well liked. However, for my money, it's an incredibly well shot and tense creature feature. Watching this black nastiness take over a body and seeing it's quills spring to life is really quite lovely. Again, a pretty impressive marriage of practical and CG effects, "The Thingies" here are both silly and sadistic. Not only do they have the whole viral angle, but the way they contort and destroy their human host while taking over it's form is pretty freaking sweet. It's not a design that necessarily re-invented anything, but it certainly was done very well.

THE FLY'S "BRUNDLE FLY"

Another predictable choice, I know. However, it's really hard to deny the grotesque beauty of David Cronenberg created "body horror." Much like Carpenter's THE THING remake, this one grabbed hold of the original source material, spun it around, and took it violently from behind. All the goo was pretty fantastic, yet once the final mutation is revealed, it's a thing of sickening beauty. Again, another example of truly jaw dropping practical effects that not only enhance the story, but forever stay with those that have laid eyes on it. I can't think of another time that I was so attracted to and repulsed by anything in my entire life. Brilliant.

JACK BROOKS MONSTER SLAYER'S "CYCLOPS"

I've only seen JACK BROOKS MONSTER SLAYER once, and I intend to keep it that way. For whatever reason the mood struck me just right and I had a blast with this wonderfully comedic creature feature. My fear is that a re-watch would change the magical place it occupies in my blackened heart. The film is book-ended by one of the most incredibly enjoyable zip-up rubber suited creatures ever committed to film. Although I can't say I'm all together sure exactly what the cyclops was doing wandering around in the woods; he did it well. A truly great example of just how rewarding the choice to do something other than CGI can be.

REC'S "EMACIATED WOMAN"

I have to admit: I still have not seen QUARANTINE. I have no desire. REC is pure terrifying perfection. Filmed in it's hand-held style makes the frantic more frantic, the creepy more creepy, and the flashes of twisted human form more, well, twisted. That being said, there was nothing more disturbing (for me) than watching what I refer to as "The Emaciated Woman" wandering in the dark, looking for something (anything) to wrap her bony fingers around. I'm pretty sure it was a woman, what with the weird boob-things. Yet, the fact that I'm still not 100% positive only serves to enhance my willies. So strange.

THE TWILIGHT ZONE THE MOVIE'S "RABBIT IN A HAT"

So brief and fleeting was this guy's moment in the spotlight that he'd be pretty easy to forget. Except for the fact that his entrance, appearance, and presence are so damn freaky. I remember the gremlin on the wing of the plane and bits and pieces of each and every "moment" in THE TWILIGHT ZONE THE MOVIE, but there's just something about this creature that sticks with me to this day. Taking something that should be cute and cuddly in a child's mind and turning it so sinister just reinforces the brilliance at work here. I'll never forget the pure terror that filled me when I turned off the lights and went to bed the night I first saw the rabbit pulled from the hat.

NECROMENTIA'S "MR. SKINNY"

Pearry Teo's film boasts some pretty fantastic creature/character designs as a whole. However, the combination of his environment and the pitch black ditty he sings makes Mr. Skinny a truly off-putting and incredibly memorable movie monster. Grossly overweight, wrapped in barbed wire, sporting a rubber pig mask with clown paint, and accompanied by a bouncing kareoke ball while he sings really makes for quite the experience. The fact that the whole thing revolves around encouraging a paraplegic boy to eat buckshot is the cherry on top of NECROMENTIA's seriously psychedelic sundae. Good stuff indeed.

DOG SOLDIERS' "WEREWOLVES"

The only fault I've ever been able to find with this film is the lack of a transformation scene. Given the budget, it's understandable. However, the whole under the table "thing" really bugged me. That being said, the werewolves on display here are just downright nasty. Gigantic and ill proportioned, you can't help but marvel at the makeup effects and the way in which they are introduced and used throughout the entire production. One of my favorite monster movies and one of my all time favorite movie monsters.

RE-ANIMATOR'S "DR. HILL'S HEAD"

Not really sure if you'd call him, or it, a monster; but the first time I saw Dr. Hill's head come to life it freaked me the fuck out. As if the guy wasn't already enough of an asshole, he gets a second chance from the neck up. The sexual underpinnings and advances his noggin attempts are surely the stuff of nightmares. I can imagine it was a bit awkward for all those involved, however, the moment is brilliantly performed, reacted to, and presented. This moment in and of itself encapsulates everything RE-ANIMATOR was about.

PAN'S LABYRINTH'S "PALE MAN"

PAN'S LABYRINTH really does execute it's creature effects brilliantly. If you've ever seen del Toro's sketches for films like this and HELLBOY, you're well aware that the guy's got a very twisted imagination. Obviously the eyeballs in the hands thing is pretty gruesome, but what always gets me about the PALE MAN is the way he moves. Lying silently in wait until just the right moment, he violently and curiously springs to life, fleshy goggles in place, ready to strike. From head to toe, shoulders to blackened finger tips, this monster is a wonder to behold. Absolutely brilliant!

EVIL DEAD 2'S "HENRIETTA"

For me, HENRIETTA, will always be the moment I really understood the truly ridiculous heights makeup could be taken to. Cut up, bloodied, and bloated, squealing death wail, pupil-less eyes, and an attitude to boot; this movie monster was both laugh out loud hysterical and vicious hyperactive insanity. I urge you to read up on the chaos that circled the completion of this zombie wench, everything that could of and did go wrong, and just how ruthless Raimi was in his obsession to get her "just right."

THE WIZARD OF OZ'S "FLYING MONKEYS"

A truly terrifying "monster" from a universally revered children's classic? You're damn right! These flying primates horrified me then and they don't sit quite right with me even now as an adult. I think the fact that they are a sickening amalgamation of a few parts that really don't belong stuck together is the kicker for me. Regardless, watching them hop around taking orders from OZ's WICKED WITCH and then blast off into hideous flight is all I needed to toss and turn in bed on a regular basis dreaming of these little blue fuckers.

TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE'S "MONSTER IN THE CLOSET"

Not too many people hold TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE quite so near and dear as I. I would agree that many weeks the show was a let down. However, I would always return for the creepy voice over and even more sinister score that opened each story. There were more than a few that really punched me in the gut and the one that I really marveled at (and feared) was, of course, THE MONSTER IN THE CLOSET. Looking much like THE GHOULIES' long lost mongoloid cousin; this little guy was horrific. Did I mention he comes out of YOUR closet?

THE X-FILES' "FLUKEMAN"

As an avid fan of the first 4 seasons of THE X-FILES (in my opinion it started to slide hard after that point) there are so many great monsters to think back on. The one that really holds a special place in my twisted heart though is THE FLUKEMAN. Anything that so brilliantly skirts the line between somewhat human, yet so very deformed and animalistic, always floats my boat. The time and energy spent to create this beast is astounding at any level, let alone for a TV show. Take one look at that mouth and you may never want to "suck face" again.

THE WRATH OF KHAN'S "EAR BUG"

Even though I'm not much of a STAR TREK fan, I can appreciate when something is done right and done nasty. Going to see a sci-fi film in the theater as a young boy was kind of a dream come true. The huge screen, vast universe on display, and technology beeping and flashing in front of my curiously wide eyes was pure joy. However, what I wasn't expecting was to see this fucker boar it's way into some poor bastards brain via the ear hole. Naturally accompanied by lots of squishing and squashing, the EAR BUG made a big impression with just a little screen time.

SLITHER'S "GORY GRANT GRANT"

Rarely do I find myself letting go and being taken along for a ride so gloriously grotesque as I did the first time I saw SLITHER. Although I haven't watched it recently, I remember quite fondly all the slime and goo on display. Watching the small town overtaken by these otherworldly slugs was one thing, GORY GRANT GRANT was quite another. Underneath all that latex and Vaseline lurked Michael Rooker, in a performance so ludicrously grotesque one can only stare in awe. The prosthetics are so over the top and puke-inducing, it boggles (and treats) the mind.

FIRE IN THE SKY'S "ALIENS"

FIRE IN THE SKY remains for me one of the most intimate and terrifying alien abduction films ever committed to celluloid. Once we're transported back to see what Travis experienced, the environment and ideas that the filmmakers came forward with (based on his "true" story) astound. Alien technology blended with the organic, medical instruments used to probe and torture at the same time, and the aliens themselves. I absolutely love everything about their look and how they emote; flat out ruthless. Utterly silent and soulless: even creepier to me than Giger's.

theCONDUITspeaks: episodeTWO

2011-12-21T09:23:00.001-05:00

Episode two sees me sitting down with Producer Zach Green and Writer/Director Richard Powell of FATAL PICTURES. We discuss their three short films (CONSUMPTION, WORM, and FAMILIAR), the origins of their partnership, and what the future holds. Look for a review of FAMILIAR shortly and check out my write up of WORM HERE.

LISTEN TO THE CONDUIT SPEAKS PODCAST: EPISODE TWO

theCONDUITspeaks: episodeONE

2011-12-14T09:21:00.000-05:00

THE CONDUIT CAST is back. This is not a prequel, sequel, remake, or re-imagining. This is what the suits in Hollywood call a complete and total REBOOT. However, unlike those stuffed shirts: hundreds of millions of dollars will not be wasted, there will be no shitty CGI, and you will never have to worry about being talked down to. This is THE CONDUIT SPEAKS. Expect: insightful interviews, entertaining film commentary, and reaction to off the radar horror, dark dramas, thrillers, and the like. So, sit back, relax, and listen to THE CONDUIT SPEAK.

LISTEN TO THE CONDUIT SPEAKS PODCAST: EPISODE ONE

LITTLE DEATHS Review

2011-12-08T22:26:00.001-05:00

LITTLE DEATHS will undoubtedly go down as a widely revered horror anthology for the more "hardcore" genre fan. It's subject matter pitting brutish sexual foundations against equally sadistic acts of physical and emotional violence will appeal to only the most ardent viewer. That's not to say it doesn't have quite a universal Freudian appeal; it just means that there aren't too many who will be able to see through the grue and into what lies at the heart of all three tales it has to tell. There certainly seems to be a return to the anthology brewing, what with THE ABC'S OF DEATH and THE PROFANE EXHIBIT on the horizon. With a new found respect for the short film stoked within me, I'm more than welcoming the possible flood of this sub-genre into the fold. What separates LITTLE DEATHS, from more traditional anthologies, is the absence of the "wrap around" which ties it's individual stories together. That's fine by me; these cinematic glue sticks often feel forced and more than a little trite. Thankfully, the three UK filmmakers on display here seem to be confident that the viewer will both see, and feel, the narrative connection held within. Do all three films work? Yes, but to varying degrees. Are any stronger than the others? Certainly. Most importantly: Does this experiment in psycho-sexual terror succeed? For one simple reason, I respond with a resounding ABSOLUTELY! Because they are joined together (intentionally or not) in a way that allows the piece as a whole to crescendo from the "tamest," and least emotionally damaging to a finale so grotesquely punctuated with soul crushing distress that you're left not contemplating and comparing, but simply hoping to scrub what you've just seen from your significantly traumatized mind's eye.

HOUSE AND HOME

As film one opens, we are dropped into the laps of a young, well to do couple who appear to have it all. Money, good looks, and a stereotypically dysfunctional sex life. From the viewer's vantage point it seems that hubby's advances are turned away on a regular basis, leaving a tense current of "don't ask don't tell" running through their lives. The whole thing gets a lot messier when we realize that their real m.o. consists of kidnapping homeless women (under the guise of spreading the good Lord's generosity) to fulfill some rather yucky s&m fetishes.

The weakest of the three films is still a pretty darn good ride. It's a much more pure and mindless romp through traditional horror tropes. The performances are quite good with the husband and wife's oddball interactions skirting the line between pitch black satire and morbid hilarity. The entire narrative is handled quite well and while it's very nice to look at, the real point of HOUSE AND HOME would appear to be the "twist." Which incidentally, turns out to be an enjoyable enough "TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE-ish" finale that should bring a wry smile to most faces. Be warned: semen is thrown around and this couple turns out to be far more "in sync" than first thought. It's also important to rest assured of this one fine point: their victim is not as helpless as we're initially led to believe. Overall, a fun start to a collection that becomes increasingly unhinged.

7/10

MUTANT TOOL

Story two kicks off innocently enough as we watch a young man who appears to be linked somewhat psychically to a "not yet clearly visible" patient. Answering questions peppered his way by a psychiatrist, I started thinking MUTANT TOOL: a la X-MEN. Eventually we come to realize the tool in question here is less like a wrench and more like a garden hose. With the introduction of Frank and Jen, the whole mood gets a lot more tense. As Jen's former pimp and current boyfriend, Frank is supplying our kinda whacked out doctor with fresh kidneys. As Frank's recovering addict (former and somewhat current) hooker: Jen is crumbling physically and emotionally more and more with each passing day. Before long, Jen is hooked up with a fore mentioned kinda whacked out doctor. Once she begins popping his special sperm infused meds, the thrust of the story becomes about as clear as something like this ever could.

MUTANT TOOL really is a very odd, illogical, and sickening exercise. It's also incredibly disturbing and surreal. Having what amounts to your story's catalyst suspended naked by chains above a bucket, being injected with pureed kidney, and continually ejaculating into said bucket from his gigantic penis is a lot to swallow. Pun intended. However, it all comes together in such an uncomfortable and disjointed way, that it's nearly impossible not to be swept up in the absurdity of the whole thing. The real strength here (I feel) is that it's not played one bit for laughs. MUTANT TOOL is a straight forward commentary that addresses (in the oddest and most provocative ways possible) addiction, dependency, obsession, and our own inability and unwillingness to recognize when we have crossed lines both moral and ethical. Again, as with most anthology entries, there's a "twist." However, this one's as much about everything that happens up to the "reveal" as it is about it's end.

8/10

BITCH

The final, and without a doubt, most well assembled and executed entry in LITTLE DEATHS belongs to Simon Rumley. The director of my favorite film of last year: RED, WHITE, AND BLUE; shows once again why he is such a master at crafting emotional stories that always seem to end with the viewer being smashed over the head with a rusty hammer. There's really not that much going on in BITCH: boyfriend/girlfriend, emotionally destructive sex games, total lack of respect, and complete objectification of the human mind and body. Oh, and did I mention the fact that the young man in said relationship (if you can call it that) has his own room, with his own dog house, dog mask, and appears to get "freaky" with his lady in only two ways: taking a gigantic strap-on while in full dog mode, and watching helplessly while his partner climaxes with the help of a vibrator after having to endure him flopping around on her unsuccessfully for the better part of 9 seconds. It goes without saying that the whole dynamic here is a little out of whack. To each his or her own I say. However, one of these people is not fully consenting. In that we have a major problem and the real driving force behind the shit hitting the fan.

Swaying gently between pitying the man in this relationship and hating his complete lack of a backbone, one also can't help but despise the young woman inflicting all the emotional barbs. As an ironic side note there lies a pretty sizable fear of canines (dogs, not teeth) which becomes a full circle penance of sorts when all is said and done. Assuming each writer/director was able to complete their film in just the way they saw fit, Rumley displays the most adept hand at eliciting emotion and revulsion in equal parts. He also shocks most effectively in the end. With a finish very reminiscent of RED, WHITE, AND BLUE's narrative vengeance, it's hard not to marvel at his puppeteering skills. Expertly pulling each string as he guides his audience into the muck. When her beau has had quite enough, the sinister grin that came over me was one part satisfaction, two parts gleeful "switcharoo." BITCH turns out to be the exclamation point at the end of a very well structured cinematic sentence. If placed anywhere else in this three layer cake the whole thing may have fallen in upon itself. Where it sits now, it is able to leave the most tart and satisfying of aftertastes any genre fan could hope for.

9/10

FETCH Becomes AMERICAN MANIACS & Gets Released

2011-12-05T20:46:00.001-05:00

This is what I had to say about FETCH (now AMERICAN MANIACS) and it's director CM Downs nearly a year ago:

Working throughout the decade as a director, producer, writer, cinematographer, and visual/special effects guy: CM Downs was “paying his dues.” Film-making is an incredibly fascinating and thankless job for both those observing from a far and the people who are actually fighting the battle. For those of us in the know, it's no great revelation to find out how many incredibly gifted artists and films lie outside the Hollywood juggernaut. As an avid seeker of great genre cinema, I (on occasion) have the opportunity to bask in the glory of some truly revolutionary and imaginative viewing experiences. Not long ago, I found myself in a tremendously frustrating movie “rut” forcing my eyes upon one disappointing DVD after another. And then came FETCH.

What Downs has realized with this venture is nothing short of stupefying. FETCH may very well be the best European film not made by a European. It's sensibilities are right in line with those revered directors across the pond. Dark, emotional themes weave their way in and out of haunting landscapes and with the help of a beautifully visceral visual and auditory design, create a tapestry that is as much lush as it is sparse: as gorgeous as it is frightening. It's a film that Downs has clearly poured the very essence of his being into, but more than that: it's representative of a moment in time when an artist steps forward and redefines a genre, pulling at the very seams of it's constraints.

Assembling an incredibly gifted group of performers, Mr. Downs coaxed when he needed to, directed when the moment demanded, and let his actors roam free within his confines at all the right places. His eye for the minimal and heart for the grand are on display throughout FETCH's narrative in such a way that as the characters become more lost or unhinged, the viewer does so as well with empathetic fervor. Whether redirecting our focus, inviting us to fall in and out of love with the tragic, leaving our mouth agape with what we have just seen, or pulling us into situations we clearly don't want to be a part of: Downs executes his plan for the viewer with disturbing precision. As this director's project creeps toward distribution, one can only imagine what is on his professional horizon. A man who grew up on and is fully devoted to horror and genre cinema, yet brings the medium to levels that defy stereotyping; CM Downs is one of very few filmmakers who have begun the revolution to redefine genre film.

Now, I can't say I'm all together thrilled with the name change. However, since it's hardly my call (or place to bitch about such things) I'll say this: I am thrilled that CM Downs' darkly sinister love letter to all things psychologically twisted is about to be seen by the masses. PHASE 4 will unleash this brute of a genre film on VOD come January 1st. Great news for all of you. What I'm really hoping for is that this will also allow Downs to get his next project rolling. Because, truly, there's one thing I'm still absolutely sure of: the man can drill a narrative straight into the darkest part of a viewer's soul. There aren't many filmmakers out there that still possess such qualities: A darkly European sensibility paired with the unapologetic aggressiveness of a slightly sinister American mind.

CM DOWNS TALKS ABOUT FETCH (AMERICAN MANIACS) HERE

PROMETHEUS Synopsis Leaked?

2011-12-04T12:00:00.001-05:00

Is it possible that the ENTIRE story for Ridley Scott's hotly anticipated ALIEN prequel has been exposed. The folks over at BLASTR think this just might be the case. I'll admit to being more than a little excited to watch Scott fill in the franchise's back story. What follows is incredibly mythologically dense and truly fascinating.

WARNING: POSSIBLE EARTH SHATTERING SPOILERS FOUND BELOW!!!

"Earth. The beginnings of our world. In an opening montage, we watch as our primordial planet is terraformed and bioformed by seemingly all-powerful, Godlike alien entities...the ENGINEERS. The seeds of life are introduced to Earth for the first time by these fantastic extra-terrestrials, who have the power to create and manipulate both mechanical and biological matter at will. The montage ends as the earliest genetic recipe for life is sent forth from the Engineers' massive, towering CITADEL in the dark desert.

The desolate desert of Africa: 2085. The prehistoric ruins of the Engineers' Citadel is discovered by a corporate construction team tasked with building a nuclear-powered comm-array in the wilderness. Amidst the ancient remains are found highly advanced, biomechanical relics with are determined to be of extra-terrestrial origin. This catches the attention of the mega-conglomerate WEYLAND-YUTANI CORPOTATION, who finances a massive archaeological excavation of the citadel in the hopes of reverse-engineering the alien biotech for financial gain. Running the operation is MEREDITH VICKERS, a cold, calculating corporate executive, who recruits intelligent and independent astrophysicist DR. ELIZABETH SHAW to head up the research team. Assisting Dr. Shaw are xenoarchaeologist DR. THEO ZEDMORE and her fellow astrophysicist DR. LOGAN. Shaw uncovers the secret of the citadel when she discovers a chamber of star charts, which seem to lead the way to the home planet of the Engineers. Also uncovered is evidence suggesting that the Engineers had a database of all life on Earth, and may even have been responsible for its creation including Man.

In a partially-submerged MANHATTAN, Vickers meets with Dr. Shaw and an OPO, (Off-Planet-Officer), CAPTAIN JERAMIAH JANEK, and plans a space mission following the discovered star charts in an effort to find and make first contact with the Engineers. For the scientists and explorers onboard, it will be a journey of discovery, but for Vickers, it's merely a way of obtaining new technology so that Weyland-Yutani may retain the lead in the competitive race to establish colonies off-world.

The depths of space: 2090. A highly-advanced, top-of-the-line ISRV (Interstellar Research Vessel) PROMETHEUS decelerates as it reaches its target solar system. The vessel's crew emerges from their cryo-chambers. Along with Elizabeth Shaw, Theo Zedmore, Logan, Meredith Vickers, and Captain Janek, the crew of the Prometheus is comprised of: First Officer MUDOW, Security Officer RAYDEN HOLLOWAY, Navigator CHANCE, Helm Officer RAVEL, Operations Android DAVID 4.0, Political Officer ALDRICH, Medical Officer FRANCIS, Engineer YURI, and Technical Officers SIENA, LETTUP, and TEMBROOK. The crew gets acclimated to their removal from cryo-sleep, their muscles in atrophy from five years without use. Holloway assists Shaw in her physical therapy exercises.

The crew prepares for arrival at the home planet of the Engineers. Shaw and Holloway are instantly attracted to each other, initiating a romantic relationship. However, as they enter the Zeta 2 Reticuli star system, Prometheus encounters a massive disturbance which hadn't appeared on scanners, one even more powerful than a black hole: a wormhole in space. Prometheus is sucked into the wormhole, and after a harrowing ride, emerges on the other end. The ship crashes on a barren planet, which the damaged computer system identifies as the mission's final destination.

The crew sets about attempting to repair the Prometheus, while Elizabeth Shaw leads a recon expedition to investigate nearby structures, which turn out to be a cavernous Engineer temple. Inside the temple, Shaw's team encounters a bizarre BIO-BRAIN, a biomechanical humanoid face set within a towering pillar, as well as thousands of seemingly primitive URNS. David takes several of the urns back to the vessel for analysis.

Investigating the urns, David discovers that they contain the genetic material for thousands of species within a viscous liquid called BIOFORMER which can rewrite any living organism on a cellular level. Basically, possession of the substance gives its owner the power to create life. Vickers interacts with David and seemingly innocently leads to the Bioformer infecting David through a cut in his finger.

Within the depths of the Temple, we find several living Engineers who discover the transgression of the Humans, and remotely rewrite the stolen Bioformer to make it into a weapon. The Engineers capture Holloway and run a number of horrific experiments on him, injecting him with the Bioformer and allowing him to return to the vessel.

Subsequently, the crew of the Prometheus begins to fall victim to the now weaponized substance, as the "carrier" Holloway injects Ravel, Zedmore, Francis, Siena, Lettup, and Tembrook. The victims begin to lose their humanity and slowly transform, experiencing nightmarish visions and hallucinations and making pilgrimages to the depths of the Temple to receive instructions from the Bio-Brain. Holloway, in particular, is resistant to the transformation, fighting against the alien influence with his feelings for Shaw and his responsibilities as security officer. Meanwhile, David finds that the Bioformer is making him into a biological being...making him Human. The crew also finds that their trip through the wormhole took them back hundreds of millions of years and they are actually stranded on primordial Earth, having moved through space and time.

Eventually, as alien influence and the continued lurking presence of the Engineers becomes clear, the crew of the Prometheus turns on each other as the infected human victims fully mutate into PROTOFORMS: vicious, skeletal alien monstrosities which proceed to assault the unaffected Human crew through the halls of the Prometheus.

Mudow, Logan, Chance, Aldrich, Yuri, and Janek end up being destroyed by the Protoforms. In a strange, erotic ceremony, the Protoforms seemingly mate with the Bio-Brain and each other to create thousands of EGGS, the first of a new generation of the monsters. Meredith Vickers is revealed to be a sleeper CONSTRUCT of the Engineers, who are still active in their far future and Shaw's present due to the time-travelling abilities of the wormhole. Vickers was grown in an Engineer lab but escaped, fleeing to Earth while always wanting to her find creators and take their power. The Engineers activate Vickers' secondary GENE PROGRAMMING, and she transforms into an ALPHA PROTOFORM: the STAR BEAST.

At last, the two remaining crew members, Elizabeth Shaw and David, seek to confront the Engineers in the Temple. The Godlike entities prove to be utterly evil, and David sacrifices himself as he's dissolved in the LIFE SEED BIOFORMER which is the basic genetic recipe for MAN: the former android David, it turns out, is the basis for all Mankind. Shaw is captured by Holloway, but he regains enough of his humanity to remotely activate an Engineer vessel for Shaw's escape, then holds the other Protoforms and Engineers at bay. As Shaw escapes, she finds herself in the midst of the initial Engineer terraforming of Earth which we had witnessed in the opening montage, chased by the former Meredith Vickers who is now the gigantic, horrific Star Beast.

Shaw makes to her escape vessel which blasts off for the wormhole, Holloway fighting the Star Beast with both falling into the wormhole and disappearing. An Engineer PILOT detaches from the Temple in a FAMILIAR VESSEL and follows Shaw, but is lost in the wormhole. Shaw emerges above the Earth of her present day; however, she's deemed insane and responsible for the loss of her expedition and confined to a psychiatric hospital by the Company. It's implied that there are at least some of those who believe Shaw's tale, but have silenced her as part of a cover-up.

In the final scene, we see the vessel of the Engineer that was chasing Elizabeth Shaw emerge from the wormhole in the Zeta 2 Reticuli star system, still in the prehistoric past, and crash on a nearby planetoid, the Engineer Pilot helplessly lost and the EGGS in the ship's cargo hold stirring as something alive moves from within... The Beginning"

THE OREGONIAN Review

2011-11-26T10:54:00.001-05:00

81 minutes later, I'm drawing a complete blank. I've been following the quiet rumblings THE OREGONIAN has made while limping it's way around festivals. I saw the trailer and some less than telling clips here and there as I poked around the inter-webs. None of it made a whole lot of sense. It makes very little sense even now. Although, that's not all together true. This exercise in the total objectification of narrative storytelling is only going to make any kind of sense to a certain "type." If you have difficulty with films that do not adhere to a comforting three act structure, make no attempt at exposition through dialogue, and answer any questions you might have with more questions; you may just want to stay very far away from Reeder's maiden voyage. However, if (like me) you revel in the notion of wrapping a film around your mind, enjoy. Yes: wrapping A FILM around YOUR MIND. You see, it's one thing to slightly adjust the way you watch and FEEL a movie in order to experience the story it's trying to tell. Letting the character's journey wash over you as more and more of their being is exposed from script to screen. It is an entirely different war you wage when the task set before you is to cognitively pin together a narrative tapestry completely and utterly devoid of a beginning, middle, and end. Here, the viewer is as much in charge of interpreting the story as the director is in charge of telling it.

We open with "The Oregonian," (played by Pulsipher) in the aftermath of a car accident. I call her "The Oregonian," only because she has NO name. We know she's from that state because our point of view briefly reveals her vehicle's license plate. There's little else to go on. She's bloody, hampered by a bum leg, clearly disoriented, yet also pretty damn sure she's done, did, or been a part of something bad. The rest of the movie is a series of encounters either designed to connect the proverbial dots, or (more than likely) rip them apart. With each confusing and confounding stop along the way, "The Oregonian" meets, interacts with, and leaves behind a different (and seemingly stranger, more dangerous, and unsettling) person. There's hardly ever a word spoken. However, the repercussions of these brief "fumblings" are more than a little emotionally (and sometimes physically) gruesome. I believe the film sets out to be unsettling, disorienting, and emotionally scarring. Consider this man unsettled, disoriented, and scarred.

It's a cliche you've all heard (and read) many times before, "you can't say too much without spoiling it." Although very true in this case, I'd be spoiling the experience, not the story; because there is none. At least not until YOU start building one as you watch. I know, infuriating isn't it? I could pour over each beat of the script, each weirdo that comes in and out of focus, and each nightmarish occurrence. But it just wouldn't make a lick of sense to anyone. I could tell you about the big, green, fuzzy thing with the dementedly Homer Simpson-ish googly eyes that catapults the narrative forward. So what? Pointless. Here's what I'll tell you that matters: Lindsay Pulsipher exerts so much energy emotionally (while barely uttering a word) that her performance genuinely leaves the viewer both physically and spiritually drained. The wholly unlikable, yet intensely watchable, cast of characters on display are nauseatingly scary. And finally: watching THE OREGONIAN is like waking up from one of the most curious and frightening sleeps of your life. While you desperately cling to that one odd element of the dream you CAN remember, the rest of it becomes more and more disorienting as it falls farther from your consciousness. You're not exactly sure what had a hold of your subconscious, but you'll never forget how it made you feel. How it both scared and exhilarated you in equal parts. That's THE OREGONIAN.

2011

Director: Calvin Reeder

Starring: Lindsay Pulsipher and Robert Longstreet

9/10

MARTHA MARCY MAY MARLENE Review

2011-11-26T10:45:00.001-05:00

MARTHA MARCY MAY MARLENE is a mouthful. It's certainly not an attractive title for a film. Truth be told, it's not a very attractive film. It also stars an Olsen. No, not one of the former child stars turned fashionista twins. This Olsen is their baby sister. Yes, Mary Kate and Ashley are now old enough to have a baby sister who doesn't just appear in a very adult film, but anchors the whole thing while simultaneously staking her claim to a very legitimate pair of acting chops. Because the film's title is without a doubt more than a little clunky, I'll hence forth be referring to it as MMMM. An abbreviated title for an exercise in how a fractured and abbreviated glimpse into a very damaged psyche can have a substantially disorienting and disturbing effect on it's audience. A film that had my curiosities piqued, but one that I was also less than prepared to be buried in.

Olsen plays Martha. Martha has just broken free of a cult where she lived the last two years of her life as Marcy May. Thus, we have a good portion of the title. It's clear from the very beginning that Martha has been brought into the fold of a commune that is more than a little bit destructive and presided over with a silent venom by it's leader: the always intense and fully immersed Hawkes. However, the meat of the narrative relies less on Martha's life under the cult's spell and more on her cracking under the weight of her own psyche. Once Martha is able to run away and into the somewhat less than open arms of her sister and brother in law, things get cracking. A fairly upwardly mobile couple that seemingly has it all. You know: good looks, nice cars, white picket fence kinda stuff. There's a ton of tension between Martha, sister Lucy, and brother in law Ted. There's a ton of tension between Martha and Marcy May. So with all that as our catalyst, the a fore mentioned fractured mind begins it's journey into the flash back, flash forward, and flash aside. There's really no crystal clear understanding as to what is happening, what happened, what is dream, and what is pure dementia. Martha is clearly damaged. It's just very difficult to tell if the last two years have done her in, or if there's even more to her festering neurosis.

Olsen and Hawkes are revelations in their respective parts. Not to dismiss Hawkes, but he is one of our generation's true artistic geniuses. I have come to expect nothing less than what he delivers here. Olsen, on the other hand, has seemingly stepped out of nowhere and grabbed a performance so intensely you can almost hear it's flesh popping as her nails sink deeper into it's epidermis. It's also hard to watch her and not think of her sisters. She just has that Olsen look. But that porcelain veneer is also what lends itself so fully to the terror, confusion, and unease that she emotes. There's nothing particularly easy about MMMM. A good bit of the necessary frustration that comes with navigating her mind is the abbreviated, snapshot-like looks we get into her commune life. In many ways, there's hardly enough time spent in these portions of Martha's dream-like recollections to really get a handle on it all. I'd like to believe that giving us just the scraps is the director's way of carrying us all along on this horrifically hiccuped narrative thread. MMMM might just be the noodle-bender of the year in that it poses a few too many questions and truly does blow itself up at the end. Don't get me wrong though: psychological implosion is often necessary to reboot the old coconut.

2011

Director: Sean Durkin

Starring: Elizabeth Olsen and John Hawkes

9/10

UNDOCUMENTED Review

2011-11-22T20:51:00.001-05:00

I've been sitting on this one for a while. Not because it's so good I'm without words. Not because I disliked it so much I was left empty. More than anything, UNDOCUMENTED is a very, very tricky film to watch, absorb, react to, and finally write about. It's decidedly tricky. It deals pretty nastily with a hot button issue in not so subtle ways. Illegal immigration is one of those touchy subjects that many people have strong opinions about. Make no mistake: this is not a film that presents both sides of the argument in equal measure. The line is drawn and there are clearly good guys with bleeding hearts and bad guys with bloody knuckles. Because of this there is absolutely no way to see through the extreme actions of those opposed to letting people cross boarders in the hopes of a better life. There may be moments where you want to say, "well, I can certainly see why these men feel what they feel." However, doing so makes your skin crawl all at once as if you're advocating their atrocities. Oh, dear... react to UNDOCUMENTED as film and ignore the deeper message, or dive head first into a politically charged pool filled with elitist razor blades?

The narrative follows a group of graduate students on a mission to present one Hell of a statement as their thesis. They plan to accompany a group of illegal aliens from Mexico to America over the boarder and document every inch of that perilous journey. We have camera men, a "producer," the director, and the goofy sound guy. There is initially a bit of comic relief found in this dork. However, it eventually gives way to the seriousness of the situation. The "hand-held shaky cam device" is applied (unnecessarily or not) and we're off. Through a drug running tunnel, out of Mexico, and into America. Into a moving truck and down the long road to nowhere they go until they're stopped. Once delivered to their destination, it's realized that they are not at their intended "safe house," but are now at the mercy of a group of "patriots" who are prepared to go to unthinkable lengths to protect the "integrity" of their land. The graduate students are soon taxed with the responsibility of documenting the penance inflicted upon our immigrants in the hopes of escaping with their own lives intact.

UNDOCUMENTED does a lot of things really well. It's not graphic in it's physical depiction of the torture inflicted upon it's second class citizens. But it certainly delivers the suffering and torture in a way that is very effective in it's ability to disturb on a psychological level. There are men, women, children, families, and friends involved here; and it's strings are plucked for maximum mayhem on a regular basis. People are beaten, hazed, smashed, and punished with a gleeful abandon that in some ways betrays the "patriots" message. If their true motivation was simply to "protect" the integrity of the good old US of A, then why revel so joyfully in the separation of limbs and mashing of bone? There's certainly a message here (and although very competently acted and directed) it gets a bit lost in the "nuttiness" of those inflicting the pain and the ham-fisted message presented by the filmmakers. Illegal immigration and boarder hopping is a far more complex issue than is relayed here. Yet, at the same time, if you're only going to advocate for one side; this is probably the way to do it. I can't imagine what it would say about you if you found yourself mocking a Mexican who can't understand anything being asked of him while his wife is slowly drawn and quartered with each wrong answer he gives. Implementing the first person camera work adds nothing here (it rarely does), but what UNDOCUMENTED loses with a jaded lens and one sided argument, it more than makes up for in it's ability to illicit genuine thought from it's viewer. Even if you're not all together comfortable with what you may be thinking.

2010

Director: Chris Peckover

Starring: Scott Mechlowicz and Alona Tal

7/10

HEY!!! I Got An Award... Sorta.

2011-11-16T20:02:00.002-05:00

I normally don't buy into this kind of stuff. However, when someone you respect as much as I respect THE LORD OF FILTH bestows something upon you; you kind of HAVE TO play along. So, here I go. Following the rules and once again thanking THE LAIR OF FILTH for recognizing me.

Here are the blog award rules:

Gratefully accept this award

Link to the person you received it from

Post 3 interesting facts about yourself

Pass this award around to at least five blogs you dig

Notify them

Three Interesting Facts About Me:

I absolutely loath "potty humor," fart jokes, etc. It takes a very smart self-referential type of comedy to get me watching. I essentially only watch the darkest.

I was once involved in a head-on automobile accident, was thrown into the windshield (shattering it), and walked away without a cut, scratch, concussion, etc. UNBREAKABLE anyone?

My favorite book is still THE GIVING TREE by SHEL SILVERSTEIN. I feel it's universal message is timeless and the foundation of all successful human interaction.

Five Blogs I Dig:

ALL THINGS HORROR: Exactly what their name says. MIKE and CHRIS are extremely well versed in the genre and beyond, are super involved in supporting independent film, and write some of the most insightful pieces ANYWHERE.

D'MENT'D CINEMA: Everything and anything you may be interested in can be found here. Movies, TV, Toys, Rants, Raves, Reviews... You name it, SCOTT, STEVE, and LUNA have got it covered. And it is most definitely D'MENT'D.

FROM MIDNIGHT WITH LOVE: Looking for something off the beaten path? THE MIKE's got you covered. Spotlighting some of the best and weirdest indie genre films you'll ever hear of is just one of the many things he does so well.

PLANET OF TERROR: THE KILLER does not fuck around on his site. He is well written, straight forward, and makes no apologies for those opinions. That's because he doesn't have to: he backs EVERYTHING up.

WICKED CHANNEL: MIKE and JAMES cover movies, TV, music, wrestling, and everything in between. It seems like a lot, but it's all extremely organized and well presented. There's tons of fantastic content and it's updated often.

Terminal Legacy Sneak Peek

2011-11-12T16:58:00.004-05:00

Although there's not a ton of info about this Spring 2012 release, it's trailer recently caught my eye. From what I gather it's kind of a sci-fi/horror/action hybrid that may or may not have a zombie slant to it. TERMINAL LEGACY is billed as a movie "about a group of scientists who must race to prevent the apocalypse from happening after a drug experiment goes horribly wrong." From the two minutes of film below (and if my zombie hunch is right) it could give us more than just the traditional (and in my opinion, tired) "survivors on the run" narrative. We rarely get to witness the lab geeks frantically searching for a cure. Who knows, maybe a zombie film with a ticking clock and a clear cut sci-fi slant might just give this floundering sub-genre a much needed kick in the balls. In any event: I'm keeping my eye on it, maybe you'll want to as well.

You can keep tabs on the film through it's official site HERE or give the FACEBOOK page a "like." Either way, I'm hoping the people behind this film are able to stay on track for Spring 2012, and maybe make a fresh deposit at the long suffering zombie bank.

They're Back!!!

2011-11-12T16:51:00.007-05:00

"Through a series of tragic events, a middle aged man grows to suspect the negative impulses plaguing his mind may not be his own."

So Zach Green and Richard Powell are at it again. The writer/producer/director team that brought us CONSUMPTION and WORM are back with their third short film FAMILIAR. What's just as exciting is the return of actor Robert Nolan. The uber-talented and equally creepy artist, who dialed up his quiet psycho in WORM, once again takes center stage in FAMILIAR.

Having experienced WORM first hand, two thoughts enter my mind: if FAMILIAR delivers half of the psychological horror present in their previous efforts, Lord help us all; and how much longer do I have to wait for a feature length genre film from these people?! It's not often that ANY film of ANY length leaves me wanting more, but these guys truly know how to tell a story with no grizzle. Tight, taught, and engaging from beginning to end.

I absolutely implore all of you to keep your eyes on the career path of these men. You can follow their progress and projects at FAMILIAR's Facebook Page HERE, visit FATAL PICTURES' blog HERE , or even check out my review of WORM right about HERE. Seek 'em out, keep 'em on your radar, but be warned: their material will weasel it's way deep into your gray matter and leave a darkly sinister mark on your conscious.

In the meantime, check out the teaser for FAMILIAR below:

The Tapes Review

2011-11-10T12:38:00.003-05:00

The found footage sub-genre. One of the few that truly mesmerizes and punishes in equal parts. Over the years it's techniques have revolutionized scares while simultaneously initiated boredom induced hemorrhaging. Each time a new one is ushered into the theater or lands on DVD, I find myself overwhelmingly hopeful that it may somehow turn out to be the next great "too close for comfort" reality check. When THE TAPES trailer hit, I saw promise. Some of the imagery was truly haunting and I found the premise, although obviously derivative, to be suitably entertaining. Understanding the concept that any and all found footage tapes are "discovered" and also often claim to be shown unedited; a good bit of down time and uneventful activity is expected. However, knowing that the film is NOT real also fills the viewer with a desire to see or feel something at some point. A found footage film that possesses a necessary monotony but pays off gigantically is MEGAN IS MISSING. It tests both your will and attention span in almost masochistic fashion. However, when it pays off, it PAYS OFF. The slow burn is not so much forgiven, but understood. When it comes to THE TAPES the naturalistic quirk, monotony, and average daily happenings are there. The question is: is the hum-drum day to day grind punctuated by any real scares, tragedy, or grue? Let's find out.

The film opens with the obligatory title cards letting us know how and where the tapes were found, that no one else was, and that the family has agreed to allow them to be shown. We jump right into watching a young man record his girlfriend as she attempts an audition tape for the UK reality show BIG BROTHER. They move from location to location, fretting over her hair and makeup, and stumbling through her vapid, poorly rehearsed "pitch." Soon they are joined by their much more camera savvy friend who will help them get the audition tape right, as well as give us the benefit of two separate camera views. Taking a break in a diner they're asked to turn off their camera by a gruff customer who the waitress informs them is a swinger. All kinds of kinky couplings are apparently occurring back at his house. The trio naturally agrees that this would be a great opportunity to film something worthy of sale to a porn site, and off they go. Once they get there however, it (of course) is not at all what they were expecting.

I'm pretty sure the biggest issue I have with the movie is not so much that absolutely NOTHING of any interest happens, and believe me it doesn't. My biggest issue is that at no time is there any narrative devise implemented which makes you understand, empathise with, or connect with any of these characters personalities, lives, or behaviors. Across the board they're all pretty stupid, egocentric, and mean spirited. The acting is quite adequate in every way. If they were asked to do a lot of improvisation to deliver the performance, then they suck. If this is how the parts were written and the directors guided them, then the directors suck. Because quite frankly, once they arrive at the farm/house/compound it should be obvious that no hanky-panky will be happening between the people there. Yes, they find chains and harnesses in an old barn, but they also sit around and wait all day, and most of the night for something, anything to occur. While they wait we are subjected to more of the same horrible dialogue and exposition that limped us all to this point. I guess you can refer to the reveal of the farm dwelling group's true intentions as a twist; yet it delivers no punch and is essentially an afterthought. Bad things happen to our trio of jackasses. Fleeting sufferings that hold no weight because we don't care. Violence that's way too little, way too late, and has no chance of delivering any gut punch or saving this cinematic turd. THE TAPES is not a film that ever had any real potential, it just had the opportunity to qualify as a better than average entry into a dying and bloated sub-genre. Opportunity missed.

2011

Directors: Lee Alliston and Scott Bates

Starring: Jason Maza and Natasha Sparkes

2/10

My Favorite Genre Films: 1960-1969

2011-11-09T11:08:00.024-05:00

The Birds... 1963... Alfred Hitchcock

Hard to argue with what so many refer to as "the master." This was not the giant monster movies of the 1950's brought to hideous life through toxic or nuclear fallout. Hitch preferred to bring to life the true horrors of nature (pure and simple) turning against man. Even today, the techniques used to multiply and vilify the birds, is pretty unnerving. I'll never forget the sound of their cries as they went full kamikaze in hopes of exacting their terrible revenge.

Eyes Without A Face... 1960... Georges Franju

Talk about your not so garden variety psychotic doctor movie. Franju goes all out in achieving a brutally chilling tale of a surgeon thrown off the deep end by tragedy. In lesser hands it's themes and the horror of stealing women's faces in an attempt to rebuild a disfigured daughter, could have been easily played for laughs. However, in this instance it becomes an exercise in both a parent's love for their child and the gruesome things one will do to many in the hopes of saving one.

Fando And Lis... 1968... Alejandro Jodorowski

A lesser known, very early work from Jodorowski, is not just a fascinating watch; but a clear indication of things to come from his gleefully twisted mind. Steeped heavily in the mythology of a beautiful city that remained fully intact after many disasters, this one is like watching the cold callous frame of a beast unfurling to reveal it's pearl of a narrative from deep inside. A journey into the mind's eye of Fando and his partially paralyzed lover Lis as they search for the a fore mentioned city of Tar.

Hour Of The Wolf... 1968... Ingmar Bergman

The hour in question takes place sometime between midnight and dawn. Not too many settings could be creepier. As if Bergman's grasp of the tragic was not already strong enough; setting the film on a desolate island fraught with frigid winds and equally chilling silence, just about puts the viewer completely over the edge. As the troubled artist featured begins to bear his dark and secretive soul to his long suffering wife, we fully begin to realize what terrors a man's guts can withhold from those he should be loving.

The Innocents... 1961... Jack Clayton

As ghost stories go: this one is today uniquely familiar and at the same time all together alien. The scariest part of any supernatural film (in my opinion) is what we think we see, feel, or believe. When our heroine in question becomes convinced that both the house and the land surrounding it are haunted, caring for the children within it's boundaries becomes more than a little taxing. Whether or not there really are ghosts bopping around is not for the audience to question. Our job is to navigate the paranoid maze within her head.

Kwaidan... 1964... Masaki Kobayashi

A early example of just how fantastic the anthology film can be when done right. Four stories are presented here. Four stories that seemingly are devoid of even the most tenuous of connections. However, love, loss, sanity, and fear weave their way through Kobayashi's narrative fabric in ways that can't deny the man had a plan. Because of it's very universal human themes and visually stunning presentation, KWAIDAN quite easily and adeptly bridges any cultural gaps in it's way. Even though the director most likely never cared about it's ability to do so, or not.

Onibaba... 1964... Kaneto Shindo

In 14th Century Japan, a soldier leaves behind his swamp dwelling family to fend for themselves. Mother and daughter find a living killing stray warriors and selling their belongings. However, what really rocks the film to it's core is the mother's mental instability. Once she puts on a fallen samurai's mask, and can't get it back off, the nightmarish happenings ratchet up to quite terrifying levels. ONIBABA stands out as a multi-layered exercise in psychosis from the mind of a pretty brilliant filmmaker.

Peeping Tom... 1960... Michael Powell

Often credited as the first "slasher" film, Powell's masterpiece is actually quite a lot more than that. Not to say I don't like slashers, but being that they are for the most part quite one dimensional; that comparison does a disservice to the complex character on display here. Yes, stalking and slashing are of course involved, but in a really nasty twist (especially for 1960) our killer also films the deaths of his victims. His motivation? To capture the final expressions as the life is drained from their shattered bodies.

Psycho... 1960... Alfred Hitchcock

50 years have come and gone, but the memories of Norman Bates as genre cinema's ultimate "nut job" still haunts me. Whether you discuss the casting, the ominous locations, eerie musical touches, or the breathtaking camera work on display; it's hard not to get swept away in both the technical and emotional achievements of this beauty. A fragmented psyche has never really been captured (visually) in such a gently creeping manner than here. I still remember trying to wrap my head around it's startling revelation upon my initial viewing. I saw PSYCHO for the first time when I was WAY too young. I wasn't totally sure what just happened, but I knew the front of my UNDEROOS weren't supposed to be so damp.

Repulsion... 1965... Roman Polanski

How gorgeous is the withering beauty of the human mind? It doesn't really get much finer than REPULSION. Deneuve is a wrecking-ball of emotion and fragility in her role as a young woman spiraling mentally, spiritually, and sexually out of control. As the food in the kitchen spoils and rots, the plaster walls begin to weaken and crack, and the physical boundaries of her world close in around her; there's really no place for this poor young whack-job to go: except into her own mind. What a terrible place that becomes.

Rosemary's Baby... 1968... Roman Polanski

It's a genuinely scary thing, your first pregnancy. Also take into account a reasonably new marriage, fresh living situation, and some pretty weird neighbors; and you can definitely sympathize with Rosemary. Once Farrow chops her locks and arrives back on screen in all her pixie-haired innocence, she appears even more fragile. The entire film is like one gigantic crescendo that becomes more menacing with each passing moment. Not to mention a satanic raping, horrific maternal moment of bonding, and a final revelation which spins both Rosemary and the viewer into a terrifying free-fall.

"The Jasper Trout Adventures" To Be Self-Published

2011-11-02T08:15:00.008-04:00

Click Here To Be Taken Directly To Jasper's KICKSTARTER Page

Author Chris Conduit and Artist Brandon Wilt using KICKSTARTER to self-publish ZOMBIES ATE MY HOMEWORK: A JASPER TROUT ADVENTURE and all subsequent books in the series.

From the moment Jasper wakes up on this October morning, things just aren't right. Not only does he find that his parents are missing, but there is a less than welcomed guest in his kitchen: a hideously hungry ghoul rummaging through his backpack. Our hero runs out of his house and makes his way frantically to Beedlebop Elementary, not knowing the type of day that lies ahead of him. As the story progresses, we are introduced to a variety of colorful characters: students, teachers, townsfolk, and the like. The a fore mentioned Ms. Pottyworth, who as if not already enough of a pain in Jasper's neck, will prove to be his most dangerous adversary as his journey continues. Principal Woodruff who runs the school with both an iron fist and a warm heart. And old man Teege: owner of Beedlebop's antique shop, who has many secrets and holds the key to Jasper's future.

As the zombie invasion envelopes Jasper's school, his classmates, and the town of Beedlebop; everyone's courage is tested. However, it is young Jasper who truly rises to the challenge and rallies the rest of the children in an attempt to stop the attack. Finding strength and confidence he never knew existed within himself, and friends in unlikely places, Jasper uses his creativity and cunning to outwit and outsmart the monsters and restore peace to his town. Once the dust settles, it's off to Teege's Antiques for a talk that will change everything. Old man Teege begins to reveal things to Jasper that are nearly impossible to believe. However, with the day's events now behind him, these incredible facts are also hard to ignore.

It is made quite clear that the town of Beedlebop is under attack from forces beyond anyone's control. They cannot be stopped from occurring, but as destiny has it, the only one who can prevent them from spreading across the world is Jasper. Ghosts, goblins, monsters of all makes, and any paranormal phenomena that can be imagined are about to rain down on the unsuspecting town. Blending together action, adventure, the power of teamwork, age appropriate humor, and eye-popping illustrations: “The Jasper Trout Adventures” is intended to be a source of enjoyment for all those who read it.

The Future: Book Two: "The Beast Of Beedlebop Bay" is already well on it's way to being finished. Thank you in advance for both your interest in our project and your help in making it happen. We can't wait to expand Jasper's universe through an exciting series of books!

To learn about the full KICKSTARTER campaign, watch a video with tons more pictures of JASPER in action, and help fund this project: please go HERE. Thanks Again!!!

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 31: HALLOWEEN

2011-10-31T08:32:00.003-04:00

Mini Review

I'm sure it seems more than a little cliche, but there's no better night to kick back with the grand-daddy of all Halloween movies than October 31st. This has been a tradition in my life since the first time I saw Carpenter's re-imagining of the boogeyman in 1986. I kid you not: I have watched 1978's HALLOWEEN once a year, every year, since 1986. I'm neither bragging or boasting, simply trying to emphasize a point. That point being: the story of the return of the darkest of all prodigal sons, to the town that once sheltered him really is THAT good. The silent, faceless, soulless being that would eventually become played out, remade, and parodied was in 1978: wholly original and scary as all Hell. Add to this an incredible score, beautiful shots of the fictional town in fall, and iconic performances from Curtis and especially Pleasence and you have a film that isn't just called Halloween, but a film that lives, breathes, sweats, and spits the very essence of the holiday. Now if you'll excuse me: it's that time of the year and I have a date with the boogeyman.

1978

Director: John Carpenter

Starring: Jamie Lee Curtis and Donald Pleasence

9/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 30: SHAUN OF THE DEAD

2011-10-31T08:11:00.002-04:00

Mini Review

SHAUN OF THE DEAD really is not a horror movie. It's not really even a romantic comedy with zombies as the tag line would have you believe. SHAUN is, more than anything, a ridiculously funny and soulful homage to the zombie cannon. These fan boy filmmakers are not lampooning or poking fun at the genre in any way shape or form. What they are doing is taking a group of people (more specifically two pretty clueless nutters) and dropping them square in the middle of an undead apocalypse. With pretty fantastic effects and some wonderful comedic moments pulled from the characters' quirks and unfortunate circumstances; Pegg, Frost, and Wright craft something wholly enjoyable for me. Being that I hate most comedies and zombies are probably my least favorite (because they're the most used and abused) horror sub-genre; SHAUN is a very, very odd little movie for me to love so damn much. All that being said: it's always a joy to laugh, cringe, snicker, and wince with this hard to "pigeon hole" gem of a genre film.

2004

Director: Edgar Wright

Starring: Simon Pegg and Nick Frost

10/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 29: REPULSION

2011-10-30T12:35:00.002-04:00

Mini Review

If ever there was (or is) a film that perfectly captures the shattered fragments of a person's mind as they crumble violently away from sanity; REPULSION is it. Set almost entirely in a fragile young woman's mind, the experience is more than a little disorienting. Deneuve is truly a revelation as she balances equal parts wide eyed innocence, primal fear, and violent delusion. There's a sexual current that continually pulls the narrative down into increasingly more uncomfortable territory. As the confines of the young woman's apartment begin to crack and crumble around her, so does her grip on reality. It's a fantastically stark black and white drama that on a cold, wet, windy October evening makes for some wonderfully chilling "TV time." Three years before ROSEMARY'S BABY and more than a decade ahead of THE TENANT, this Polanski gem is unfortunately relegated to second or third fiddle by the mainstream. However, those of us in the know are fully aware of it's place in creepy genre cinema.

1965

Director: Roman Polanski

Starring: Catherine Deneuve

9/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 28: THE POUGHKEEPSIE TAPES

2011-10-30T12:17:00.003-04:00

Mini Review

The fact that this film essentially disappeared for no apparent reason is criminal. Available at Blockbuster and Blockbuster Online and to "save" on Netflix, THE POUGHKEEPSIE TAPES is still highly sought after and scarcely seen. Again, a travesty, as aside from some truly abysmal acting; it may just be the greatest found footage film EVER made. The biggest problem with the entire endeavor lies in the performances of the "law enforcement officials" and "experts" interviewed during the piece. If not for that, and my confusion as to how these actors were ever cast, the movie would be perfect. Each moment captured by the killer: from stalking his prey, to the torture, disembowelment, and gruesome fetishes he satisfies are truly unnerving. There are moments of suffering and terror so soul-crushing: it becomes very clear that you don't need to go all "MORDUM" in order to shock and disgust. No offense to the TOE TAGGER'S out there, but if you want to question your sanity and constitution all the while being haunted for days after viewing a film; THE POUGHKEEPSIE TAPES is that movie.

2007

Director: John Erick Dowdle

Starring: Ben Messmer and Stacy Chbosky

9/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 27: PLANET TERROR

2011-10-28T13:05:00.003-04:00

Mini Review

Yes, I saw GRINDHOUSE in the theater upon it's release. Yes, I enjoyed the experience; especially the mock trailers and full day at the movie house. But, I may also have been one of the few who not only didn't really care for DEATH PROOF, but got a little tired of the overly damaged film, missing reels, and ham-fisted delivery present in the package as a whole. All that being said, I can not (and will not ever) deny the monster-sized glee that fills me up each and every time I watch PLANET TERROR. The few cosmetic issues I have with it can in no way overpower the performances, fantastic zombie work, and blissfully over-the-top gore Rodriguez serves up. Every actor fully embraces it's cheese factor, the characters are so much fun to watch and so uniquely and individually written, and every ounce of puss, blood, and slime is more than a little welcomed "with open arms." With a little something for everyone, not to mention one of the most ridiculously cheesy endings of all time, PLANET TERROR is a fun wink-wink, nudge-nudge of a movie that packs a pretty solid nostalgic punch.

2007

Director: Robert Rodriguez

Starring: Rose McGowen and Freddy Rodriguez

8/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 26: LEFT BANK

2011-10-28T12:46:00.002-04:00

Mini Review

A long distance runner on the verge of an Olympic berth suffers a career threatening knee injury, moves in with her new bow and arrow wielding boyfriend, and soon becomes tangled in a terrifying supernatural web of love, lies, death, and re-birth. Come again? Don't let that introduction turn you off or scare you away. LEFT BANK is all that and a whole lot more. Eline Kuppens is a force of nature in her performance as Marie (emoting so much raw sexuality, innocence, and fear) the viewer is instantly swept along in this young woman's downward spiral; which turns out to be nothing that was expected. With pacing that allows for genuine character development and unbearable emotional and psychological tension; Pieter Van Hees seems to be quite adept at pulling the audience down with poor Marie. There certainly is something sinister going on in her new Left Bank neighborhood. However, it's really not until the last few frames that the narrative's truth is finally revealed. Don't be surprised if days after watching LEFT BANK, you're still working through it's powerful message.

2008

Director: Pieter Van Hees

Starring: Eline Kuppens and Matthias Schoenaerts

9/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 25: LAKE MUNGO

2011-10-28T12:30:00.003-04:00

Mini Review

As "ghost stories" go, I'm not a huge fan. There has to be something substantial behind the "haunt" that draws me in and creeps me out. That being said, when done well, they have a tendency to genuinely curdle my blood. 2008's LAKE MUNGO is such a film. A blend of pseudo-documentary and the found footage sub-genres, it not only continues to tweak my nerves, but also has the uncanny ability to illicit genuine scares no matter how many times I watch it. Laced with extremely convincing and grounded performances throughout, this story of a family mourning the death of their daughter/sister is a heart-wrenching look at loss and grief. What is just as powerful though, is the secrets that are uncovered after someone is gone and can not lie or hide their way into being the person they want the outside world to see anymore. Chilling. With a constant tension throughout that ratchets itself to rarely seen or felt heights, some truly disturbing visuals, and a "just too scary" reality about the whole thing; LAKE MUNGO is an absolutely terrifying addition to the Halloween season.

2008

Director: Joel Anderson

Starring: Rosie Traynor and David Pledger

9/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 24: THE THING

2011-10-27T13:52:00.003-04:00

Mini Review

In 1982 John Carpenter remade THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD. It didn't look or feel ANYTHING like it's predecessor. The film was a gory homage to monster movies of yesterday, but so much more. Dealing with an alien life-form stranded in the Antarctic, the men who have to deal with it, and the horrible ways it effects them physically and emotionally; THE THING covers every single classic genre base. Whether it haunts you with it's incredibly dense score, the truly isolated location, or the way it's groundbreaking effects stomp on your scrotum (if you have one), one thing's for sure: there had not been, nor ever will be, a more powerful horror/sci-fi film. As the narrative pushes ahead at break neck speed, our survivors not only have to uncover a mystery, but do so while never truly knowing who their enemy is. It's the classic "who done it" with a "who's gonna do it next" twist. And much like the age old question of whether or not Han Solo pulled his blaster first; no one REALLY knows what happened with the two lost souls at the end of this masterpiece.

1982

Director: John Carpenter

Starring: Kurt Russell and Wilford Brimley

10/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 23: ILS (THEM)

2011-10-27T13:28:00.003-04:00

Mini Review

As creep factor goes, this 2006 gem is right up there. With a brisk running time, incredibly tense atmosphere throughout, and a sound-scape that chills the viewer to their core, ILS is a Halloween must. As new homeowners: Clementine and Lucas have a lot of moving in to do. That all gets put on hold when they are tormented by a group of assailants who aim to not just "play" with them, but ultimately destroy the couple. The huge home with it's long dimly lit hallways and secluded location takes on a life of it's own and truly becomes one of the more sinister antagonists of the movie. However, if you're a fan of monotonous jump scares and audio stingers: look elsewhere. What the directors do here is much more unsettling. Long drawn out silences, visual re-directions, and prolonged moments of tension with nothing at the end of what you thought was the scene's climax are truly what makes this one work. As a big fan of the home invasion sub-genre, ILS gives me everything I need, and (as is so rare in the horror genre) leaves me wanting more.

2006

Directors: David Moreau and Xavier Palud

Starring: Olivia Bonamy and Michael Cohen

9/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 22: The Fly 1986

2011-10-27T13:10:00.002-04:00

Mini Review

In 1986, David Cronenberg not only took on the task of remaking a heavily revered film, but introduced his brand of "body horror" to a whole new generation. With practical effects so gloriously gooey, a genuinely terrifying narrative, and a performance pulled from Goldblum that he would never equal; THE FLY had fans of John Carpenter's THE THING rejoicing in the knowledge that the good old fashioned creature feature (hopped up on steroids mind you) was still alive and well. Everyone already knows the story of a scientist looking to test and prove a hypothesis. However, once his body has been joined with a common house fly and the transformation begins, the film takes a hideous turn into the depths of a man's soul as it surrenders to an insects primal instincts. The 1980's may be referred to as the decade of the slasher, but THE FLY was a powerfully revered entry into that decade's true gem: the monster movie.

1986

Director: David Cronenberg

Starring: Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis

9/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 21: FREAKS

2011-10-26T19:42:00.004-04:00

Mini Review

Clocking in at just over an hour, you wouldn't think FREAKS could pack much of a punch. But Browning's vision and interpretation, not to mention the human anomalies on display make that 64 minute ride sickeningly mesmerizing. You'd think "all's well that ends well" when a beautiful trapeze artist decides to marry the leader of group of sideshow performers for his inheritance. However, once the "freaks" get wind of this, it's more than a little troubling. Naturally, back in the day, there was a big "to do" about featuring actual "oddities" in the movie, but just imagine the problems we'd have today. Unless told through a very comedic lens, which this certainly is not, FREAKS could never exist today. If you have yet to gaze upon the armless/legless man, the human skeleton, or any of the principles featured in this one, it's essential viewing for a self-respecting film buff. Just be warned: if you're like me and respond strongly to artistic themes; FREAKS will shake you to your very core.

1932

Director: Tod Browning

Starring: Freaks

9/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 20: COMBAT SHOCK

2011-10-26T19:24:00.003-04:00

Mini Review

Good lord, what to say about a film that's already had seemingly EVERYTHING said about it? 15 years after returning home from Vietnam, Frankie Dunlan is quite literally "circling life's drain." Married, father of a hideously deformed and malnourished child (a la ERASERHEAD), unemployed, and living in squalor; the entire film could not feel more desperate, hopeless, and filthy. By the time our hero (?) calls his father for financial help and realizes that said father truly believes he died in Vietnam, the downward spiral is complete. In an attempt to obtain money by any available means, Frankie naturally steps into a heap of shit and there's truly no other option than the complete and total destruction of what little life he had left. Obviously, no one would approach COMBAT SHOCK hoping for a feel good story or even one of triumph against all odds. However, seeing New York City in full 1980's "hot mess mode," and given everything that unfurls within it's ghastly skyline, the movie could quite literally leave a toxic film over the viewer's entire body. Nihilism never knew a better partner than Buddy Giovinazzio's sickening post-Vietnam tragedy.

1986

Director: Buddy Giovinazzo

Starring: Rick Giovinazzo

9/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 19: THE LOVED ONES

2011-10-26T19:09:00.004-04:00

Mini Review

When this one hit our shores in 2010, it was all the rage. It made a ton of top ten lists and soon became one of those films you only liked because you were "joining the cool club." Naturally, you thus became decidedly "uncool." Go figure. In any event, THE LOVED ONES is a genuine joy to behold on many levels for me. The reversal of traditional genre gender roles is a treat, some of the more gruesome physical gags are spot on, and the portrayals of Lola and Brent (as well as Lola's "Daddy") are intoxicating. The thrust of the narrative and the story as a whole is pretty cut and paste: outcast girl asks dreamy boy to prom, boy politely declines, girl turns out to be a psycho, and then (of course) all hell breaks loose. So why then, does a seemingly derivative and vapid film work so well for me? Quite simple because of the performances of the leads and the spirit and reverence the director breathes into his work. THE LOVED ONES makes you laugh, wince, cringe, and giggle in all the right places and holds onto this balance of sinister fun and tragic pathos throughout.

2009

Director: Sean Byrne

Starring: Xavier Samuel and Victoria Thaine

8/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 18: SHIVERS

2011-10-26T18:53:00.002-04:00

Mini Review

It's hard to believe this Cronenberg masterpiece is over 35 years old. Visually there are certainly elements that can be considered dated. However, thematically the soul of SHIVERS remains so topical today, that it's still a joyfully creepy view. Focusing on man's obsessive desire to consume both figuratively and literally; the parasite that infects and controls the characters in this one allow societal comparisons to be made quite easily. As the residents of the high rise apartment complex (the whole film takes place within) begin to turn on one another, the tension and chaos is more than a little palpable. Being that the infection itself triggers an insatiable sexual appetite, and that it's spread through sexual contact, makes the situation at hand all the more grotesque. Turning something intimate, primal, and a bit icky into the catalyst for the horror at play is genius. And as always, Cronenberg displays an adept hand at shoving "body horror" straight into the viewer's face.

1975

Director: David Cronenberg

Starring: Paul Hampton and Lynn Lowry

8/10

Beverly Lane DVD Release: October 25

2011-10-21T14:00:00.001-04:00

Arsonist Pictures wants to repopulate your DVD collection with the official release of BEVERLY LANE! Filled with zombies, fate circles, and a hilarious ensemble cast featuring genre vet Jim O'Rear, BEVERLY LANE arrives (just in time for Halloween) on DVD: Tuesday, October 25th!

The film follows a local metal company as they celebrate the retirement of their longtime boss with a "Coney Island" themed party. Bored and angry, the workers find themselves stuck with clowns, a magician, a mime, and one very sick barbershop singer. Then all hell breaks loose...literally! Stuck between zombies and a sideshow, the workers must learn to survive with each other or die trying.

Bonus Features Include:
Deleted Bits

Outtakes

Trailers

Commentary Track Featuring:
Joshua Hull (Writer / Director)
Jim Dougherty (DP, Editor, and Producer)
Matt Rich (Producer, The Mime)
Noah East (Andy).

The film will be available for purchase on October 25th at BEVERLYLANEMOVIE.COM for only $10.00 plus shipping & handling! In the meantime follow all the caraziness on their FACEBOOK FAN PAGE ( or on TWITTER @beverlylanefilm) and check out my review of the film HERE.

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 17: MURDER PARTY

2011-10-18T15:06:00.000-04:00

Mini Review

Never before have I adored a horror comedy hated by so many. For me, there are only a handful of films that feel this HALLOWEEN-ISH. With leaves falling to the street and the wind tossing some more back in the air, a giant bowl of candy corn, a couple well worn horror VHS tapes, and a last minute costume made out of cardboard and duct tape; what's not to love? Obviously a loner, our "everyman" stumbles upon a "murder party" invite on his way home for a lonely Halloween celebration. Figuring "what the Hell," he fashions the a fore mentioned cardboard costume and heads out to the address listed on the flyer. Desperate for friendship (or at least some superficial company) he ignores the seedy warehouse location and enters, eventually finding himself at the center of what turns out to be an actual MURDER party. Goofy, gleeful, and gross on a shoestring budget, MURDER PARTY is fun, awkward, and sometimes downright gruesome. Filled with characters decked out in costumes paying homage to our favorite films and so unlikable you can't wait to see them die; there's really no better way to spend a Halloween evening alone. Or pop it in while you're cutting and duct taping your own costume together, because it also makes for great background noise.

2007

Director: Jeremy Saulnier

Starring: Chris Sharp and Kate Porterfield

8/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 16: DREAD

2011-10-18T14:49:00.000-04:00

Mini Review

Call me crazy, but DREAD may be my favorite Clive Barker film adaptation of all time. A young man getting wrapped up with one VERY unstable townie to do a fear study that goes horribly wrong, is right in my wheelhouse. DREAD delivers on so many levels it's hard not to gush. Addressing physical, emotional, and mental fears, insecurities, and traumas to degrees more than a little intense; the film is a must see. Granted, Barker's themes can be a bit tricky at times for some filmmakers. However, with a much more linear and structured story to work with, DiBlasi truly does right by the genre genius. Not only do you get to watch a genuinely frightening downward spiral, but with just enough gore and visual scares mixed in, the story of Stephen and Quaid's struggle to work together and then against one another is harrowing. Add to that one of the most wonderfully nihilistic endings in film history, a "creepy as hell" back story, and some great supporting performances; you'll never convince me that DREAD is anything but a Halloween staple.

2009

Director: Anthony DiBlasi

Starring: Jackson Rathbone and Hanne Steen

9/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 15: MARTYRS

2011-10-18T13:49:00.000-04:00

Mini Review

It's difficult to even know where to start with this one. Divided, essentially, into two distinct narratives, MARTYRS is a very heady and (at the same time) divisive film. Opening with a young girl (Lucie) escaping her captures and being placed in a home for abused and troubled youth, it gets off to quite a somber start; only going downhill from there. As her and her friend Anna grow and go off on there own, battling Lucie's demons: the narrative takes a decidedly macabre turn straight into Hell. This is not a movie to be watched, felt, or dealt with lightly. It is in fact one of the most powerful and introspective pieces of horror cinema to come out of any country. Ever. Putting on display a wide variety of evils, both within the human mind and externally, Pascal Laugier crafted something horrifically timeless. Very little with this one should entertain. However, if you're looking to be moved, frightened, and technically impressed on a number of levels; MARTYRS is a must see.

2008

Director: Pascal Laugier

Starring: Morjana Alaoui, Mylène Jampanoï

10/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 14: DEAD HOOKER IN A TRUNK

2011-10-18T13:32:00.000-04:00

Mini Review

Yup, you guessed it. This one does indeed have a dead hooker in a trunk. Well, that... and so much more. Written by, directed, and starring Jen and Sylvia Soska; DEAD HOOKER IN A TRUNK rips along at a break-neck pace, never letting it's foot off the gas. With a cast of characters assembled who joyfully embrace their stereotypes, some very dark humor, and quite a bit of the red stuff spattered in for good measure; these two young filmmakers from up North do a pretty fantastic job getting their point across. For the month of October DHIAT is the perfect compliment to the darker, more sinister fare on your viewing schedule. It's an absolute hoot watching the four principles bumble along from one ridiculous situation to the next, all in the hopes of disposing a body. Oh, and by the way: if you ever wake up with a body in your trunk, not remembering much (if any) of your previous night's alcohol fueled activities: I pray it goes better for you than it did for Junkie, Geek, Bad Ass, and Goody Two Shoes.

2009

Directors: Jen Soska and Sylvia Soska

Starring: Jen Soska and Sylvia Soska

7/10

31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN, DAY 13: RAW MEAT

2011-10-14T21:17:00.001-04:00

Mini Review

If ever there was a film that I kept pushing aside, RAW MEAT was it. Originally titled DEATH LINE, I finally caught up with it just this year. Equal parts moody, creepy as hell, and even a little bit kooky; Sherman's "subterranean" mind trip of a film is nothing less than a total blast. Seems that there's something pretty nasty making the rounds in the subway tunnels under London. People are going missing and the mystery finally falls on Scotland Yards' desk. As Inspector Calhoun, Donald Pleasence is (of course) the heart and soul of the movie. Floating seamlessly between the grizzled veteran full of piss and vinegar and the wacky old timer one drink away from losing both his mind and career. If you've only known the man as the original DR. LOOMIS, you've missed out. Needless to say, once we get the wheels in motion and find out just who (or what) is living below, why, and what is actually happening to those missing persons; it's downright chilling. RAW MEAT didn't redefine a genre back when it was released, but it certainly holds up extremely well and does not feel, look, or emote like you would expect a 38 year old film to.

1973

Director: Gary Sherman

Starring: Donald Pleasence and Norman Rossington

7/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 12: LA MEUTE (THE PACK)

2011-10-14T20:41:00.000-04:00

Mini Review

There isn't much better for Halloween than a really good "creature feature." 2010's THE PACK is just that. When a young woman traveling through the French countryside stops at a roadside bar, everything kinda goes to shit. Run by a beast of a lady known as LA SPACK, there's enough horror in her "off the beaten path" residence to fill two movies. In a sense, THE PACK kinda is just that. Starting itself off as more of a slasher/torture porn-ish film a la FRONTIER(S), it isn't long before the victims are prepped and LA SPACK begins the "offering." Quiet brilliantly and nostalgically filmed with the full moon high in the night sky, thick fog rolling in, and the guttural groans of the creatures featured prominently; Richard's lens is dripping with atmosphere. Far from a perfect film, what it lacks in cohesive plotting and an air-tight narrative; it more than makes up for with fierce creature design and a haunting sound-scape. Again, don't go in expecting to have your brain rattled, but it's more than likely that your spirit will be a bit shaken.

2010

Director: Franck Richard

Starring: Yolande Moreau and Émilie Dequenne

7/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 11: SANTA SANGRE

2011-10-14T09:06:00.001-04:00

Mini Review

Never one to shy away from the extreme, Jodorowsky's 1989 "quirk-fest," is a wonderful addition to anyone's Halloween viewing experience. Fully immersed in the street life of Mexico, SANTA SANGRE (HOLY BLOOD) is not just a horror story and a glimpse into the macabre, it's also a vibrant snapshot of circus performers, religious fanaticism, and family dysfunction. The thrust of the story really is no big secret: as a child, Fenix's father (who happens to be cheating on his religious fanatic mother with a woman tattooed from head to toe) chops off his wife's arms in a rage, then kills himself. Now an adult, and fresh out of a mental hospital, he seeks out his mother, becomes her "arms," and off we go on a fantastic voyage of murder, mayhem, and utter madness. As if that little "diddy" isn't hard enough to digest, there's so much going on in and around the narrative to look at and listen to: one could hardly attach the word boring to any scene in the film. THE HOLY MOUNTAIN and EL TOPO are often referenced as Jodorowsky's masterpieces; of course they are high recommends. However, there's always been an odd charm in SANTA SANGRE that makes it my favorite.

1989

Director: Alejandro Jodorowsky

Starring: Alex Jodorowsky and Blanca Guerra

8/10

Burned, Branded, and Banned: Beating Up Bunny

2011-10-13T11:47:00.001-04:00

Banned. Very unlikely to be passed by the BBFC even with significant cuts. Violent, repulsive, and nihilistic in tone throughout. Sexually perverse, deviant, and traumatic. Yup, Yup, and Yup. When news broke Wednesday that BUNNY WAS BANNED, I was hardly surprised. I had been on the phone with it's director: Adam Rehmeier the night before. The subject came and went quickly, kind of an afterthought. I joked that if it were banned, he could resubmit a 42 minute version (with 34 minutes left on the floor). I never imagined BUNNY being the type of project capable of surviving a fight with the BBFC. She always seemed much more likely to arrive on your doorstep wrapped in a sweaty brown paper bag filled with matted hair and broken finger nails. But I digress.

See, I've seen the film. I've talked to people who have. In fact, with all the chaos swirling around her right now, I watched the film again today. As I watched, I took pictures of my TV screen. Trapping moments of pure repulsion for all of you to see. The more I write about BUNNY, and HOG, and DRETTIE, and ADAM; the closer I get to the devil inside that disc. I never want to watch the film. I've never enjoyed a single moment of observing Sylvia's flesh turned to meat. There's nothing sexy about spit and sweat, fire and flatulence, or being dragged through the desert on a leash. Sometimes the moment strikes me and I reach out to BUNNY in a cathartic fog. See, REHMEIER harnessed something hideous... FOR ME. Something that breathes an appreciation for what I have into my lungs each time I think about it. Something that makes tucking my son in at night a little sweeter. Full disclosure: RODLEEN GETSIC did not suffer just for art. She didn't starve herself, get beaten and bullied, or tossed around like a rag doll for a spot on BEST BUY's shelves. She did it for her own reasons. Reasons she's shared with me and others willing to listen.

Some of what resulted is captured below. 13 images I took randomly while watching it today. Incidentally, by myself, in a room lit only by the cloud cover of an incredibly overcast morning sky. Accompanying these stark and often distorted images are what some have said since learning of the BBFC's decision. A snapshot of a moment in BUNNY's life, followed by a snapshot of a comment made by someone on the ever expanding inter-webs. Snapshots of things said by people who have not seen the film, who have formed their full opinions on one or two articles, maybe a trailer. People who have not (and hopefully never will) sit and gaze upon the atrocities captured by Rehmeier's lens. For everyone else who wants to experience BUNNY for all the wrong reasons: you'll have your chance soon enough. For those of you who don't think BUNNY is just about blow jobs, naked ladies being cut to ribbons, and a monster that is the living, breathing incarnation of every man's deepest, darkest desires; you will have an opportunity as well, some day. In the meantime, BUNNY is banned in the UK and probably deservedly so. After all, who in their right mind would want to live in a world where art was there for the taking: to experience, consider, and react to personally?

I'd be intrigued to hear people's reasons for wanting to see this film

Do they think it's ok as long as the woman is a prostitute or a whore?

Money can't buy the infamy that comes with being banned

There's more to life than fighting to watch a woman be brutalized

Is this a cheap BDSM flick? It's like I've already seen it 100 times

Let these "movies" fade away and write about ones worth seeing

From what I've read, the makers don't seem too bright or thoughtful

They should ban this for being an unoriginal piece of crap

A pseudo snuff film to give violent sociopaths new and exciting ideas

This is not a horror movie. This is porn, plain and simple

I'm a big horror fan, but this is just repulsive

Whatever bullshit you throw together, it's all about how you talk it up

Cautionary tale of what? Getting kidnapped, tortured, and raped?

A Netflix Instant Halloween

2011-10-11T20:54:00.001-04:00

Since all the talk lately has been about how much Netflix sucks for raising prices, splitting the DVD and Streaming lines, then reuniting them, and so on and so forth; I thought I'd chime in. I couldn't care less. Netflix has been one of the single most enjoyable technological advances in my lifetime. I dropped the DVD thing a long time ago. Long before the price hike. However, even at it's current rate, it's still a steal, in my opinion. I've heard the detractors stating that their instant content is less than desirable; I strongly disagree. I also know that it will only get better. On a regular basis I find something to watch that I either have not seen, want to revisit, or have been anticipating. So in honor of the Halloween season and the month of October, I thought I'd put together a list of horror films that are streaming and will tide you over well beyond "All Hallow's Eve."

An American Werewolf in London (1981)
Audition (1999)
Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2007)
Black Sabbath (1963)
The Burning (1981)
The Burrowers (2008)
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1919)
Carriers (2009)
Child's Play (1988)
Crawlspace (1986)
The Crazies (2009)
The Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)
Creepshow (1982)
Cronos (1993)
Daybreakers (2009)
Dead End (2003)
Dead Snow (2009)
Deep Red (1972)
The Descent Part 2 (2009)
The Disappearance of Alice Creed (2009)
Dolores Claiborne (1994)
Dracula (1931)
Dream Home (2010)
The Evil Dead (1983)
The Exorcist (1973)
Flatliners (1990)
The Fly (1986)
The Fog (1980)
Frankenstein Unbound (1990)
From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
The Funhouse (1981)
Funny Games (1998)
The Golem (1920)
Grace (2009)
Hatchet (2006)
Heartless (2009)
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)
The House of the Devil (2009)
The Howling (1981)
In the Mouth of Madness (1994)
Isolation (2005)
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
Lake Mungo (2008)

The Last Exorcism (2010)
The Last House on the Left (1972)
Let Me In (2010)
Let the Right One In (2008)
Lord of Illusions (1995)
The Lost Boys (1989)
The Machinist (2004)
Maniac (1980)

Megan Is Missing (2011)
Misery (1990)
Mutants (2009)
Night of the Living Dead (1968)
Nosferatu (1929)
Paranormal Activity (2009)
The Pit and the Pendulum (1961)
Popcorn (1991)
Primal (2009)
Prince of Darkness (1987)
Raw Meat (1972)
The Return of the Living Dead (1985)
Scarecrows (1988)
Session 9 (2001)
The Seventh Sign (1988)
Shutter Island (2010)
Soft for Digging (2001)
A Tale of Two Sisters (2004)
Them (2007)
Thirst (2009)
Train (2008)
Trick 'r Treat (2008)
The Wolf Man (1941)
Wolfen (1981)

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 10: THE LAST HOUSE IN THE WOODS

2011-10-10T21:32:00.002-04:00

It's hard to believe it was nearly 5 years ago that I picked up this Ghost House Underground release and loved it. Even back then I knew it wasn't a "good" film. Yet there was something about it that genuinely endeared it to me. The production values were low, but the blood and guts were full on. The dubbed dialogue was almost laughable in it's content and delivery, but it was dripping with grindhouse atmosphere. Plot holes abounded, but the score was so entrenched in 70's Giallo I found myself swept away. As time goes by, every once in a while, I'll think back on a film and wonder what the hell I ever saw in it as well as if I'd still like it today. So, with that groundwork laid; I set out to revisit THE LAST HOUSE IN THE WOODS.

The film opens with a mom, dad, and young son making the long drive home on an abandoned stretch of road and having an accident. Daddy dies in the wreck, and while mommy and the boy walk the road in search of help: a car comes by and runs the woman down. As the boy hides horrified in the woods bordering the scene of the accident, the driver gets out and in very gruesome fashion bashes the almost lifeless woman's head in with a rock, throws her in the back of his car, and drives off. Quite an opening and needless to say, once again I was hooked. Flash ahead some years and we are following Aurora and Rino, a couple on the skids who are interrupted by a group of thugs during some side of the road "sexy time." They mean to brutally beat Rino and (of course) rape poor Aurora. Their plans are interrupted by the pistol packing Antonio and his wife Clara who save the day and bring our two young lovers back to their house to calm down and get patched up.

The performances in this one (despite the awful dubbing, which you HAVE to overlook or all is lost) are good across the board. As Aurora: Daniela Virgilio is fantastic. Oozing fear and horror in such a possessed way the viewer totally relates and empathizes with her and her plight. This is very important, because as expected, things go from bad to worse once Aurora and Rino get back to the house. The owners of the home are (naturally) not who they appear to be and their extended family is just as twisted both emotionally and physically. Yes, there are deformed, blood-thirsty, cannibal, redneck-ish folk here. The most original aspect of the film being that we are not in rural West Virginia for a change. And although THE LAST HOUSE IN THE WOODS will never be accused of reinventing anything; there's still a lot to love.

The whole thing is all played pretty straight. At times I wondered when the poorly timed comedic elements would come in. Some of it just feels that uneven. Yet it never did go that route. The tone here is dark and gruesome throughout. The family, which at times does boarder on unintentionally funny (bad dubbing AGAIN) is just so damn gross and deranged that the movie can't ever get too corny. With buckets of blood, a good amount of entrails bursting forth, and a creepy little twist hiding in the basement; everything I remembered loving about this one the first time around was still present. Again, if your looking for an intellectual thrill ride, there's still time to refund your ticket at full price. However, if you want to have a ton of fun with a very 70's grindhouse-ish Italian splatter film that makes no apologies, here it is.

2006

Director: Gabriele Albanesi

Starring: Daniela Virgilio and Gennaro Diana

8/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 9: DUMPLINGS

2011-10-10T21:28:00.000-04:00

Mini Review

Let's be clear: it's not just women who want to look and feel younger, appear more desirable, and be filled with confidence. Everyone can relate to the central themes of Fruit Chan's wonderfully layered DUMPLINGS. Yet (told from the female perspective) there is in many ways, a much stronger commentary to be made. Foreign films always engage me in one particular way: I love seeing how life, and it's choices, play out in different "societies." What's so powerful in DUMPLINGS' world is the dramatic battle of the sexes that drives the actions and motives of the women at the narrative's center. Not caring what's "in 'em," or how the ingredients are "obtained," as long as the desired results are achieved, may seem both extreme and equally despicable. The only problem is; throughout man's existence and even today: humanity has always had a don't ask, don't tell philosophy. Hell, even when we know the truth, we don't much care as long as we're getting what we want out of the product or situation. So (for me) at the heart of this horrific story of one woman selling perfection and the other fruitlessly trying to buy it; is the age old truth that sometimes the most "beautiful" people are the ugliest where it counts... Inside.

2004

Director: Fruit Chan

Starring: Pauline Lau and Bai Ling

8/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 8: FRANKENSTEIN 1931

2011-10-10T20:54:00.001-04:00

Mini Review

To say I'm a fan of James Whale's 1931 masterpiece is not just an understatement, but a bit of an insult. There's something about Frankenstein's monster that not only resonated with me as a child, but stayed with me my whole life. It may not have really been a "true" awareness when I was six or seven, but as an adult I realize that what drew me to the film (and continues to enthrall me today) is it's humanity. Growing up on creature features where the monster was plain and simply evil, bent only on destruction, or showed no emotion at all; there was a depth to Karloff's performance that developed and displayed a new kind of "monster" to me: frightening, conflicted, endearing, innocent, yet driven to horrible actions because of it's intrinsic inability to coexist with the world around it. Every year FRANKENSTEIN is part of my Halloween tradition. It never feels dated, it always elicits powerful emotions, and it often reminds me of the terrible truth that we also didn't ask to be born; yet here we all are.

1931

Director: James Whale

Starring: Boris Karloff and Mae Clarke

10/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 7: LONG PIGS

2011-10-08T21:29:00.000-04:00

Mini Review

Seeing LONG PIGS for the first time last year, there was never a doubt that it would be part of this year's 31 days. Watching it the day after MAN BITES DOG was essential as well. The minute I completed my first viewing of it, I naturally thought of it's predecessor. Not that the film feels like a rip-off in any way shape or form. It feels more like an incredibly adept American sibling. There are two things that really put LONG PIGS in a pretty unique and stunningly enjoyable class: Chris Bridges' makeup effects and Anthony Alviano. On any budget you'd swear to God that our lovable lump of a culinary killer is genuinely quartering a human body. On the shoestring budget Hynes and Power had to work with the effect is downright jaw dropping. As for Alviano, as Anthony McAlister (the a fore mentioned serial killing cannibalistic cook), the man so boldly possesses and expresses his character on screen; I'm still hard pressed to find a more endearing and sickeningly enjoyable killer in a genre film. Period. LONG PIGS remains to me a memorable reminder of what can be accomplished when the right people stand side by side and fight to see a project through. It's a wild ride for sure, full of tragedy and humor so black it'll make you hate yourself for laughing.

2007

Directors: Nathan Hynes and Chris Power

Starring: Anthony Alviano

8/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 6: MAN BITES DOG

2011-10-07T09:15:00.000-04:00

Mini Review

Perhaps my favorite "found footage" film of all time, MAN BITES DOG is a chilling piece of cinema. Setting out to document the life and times of a serial killer in Belgium, our filmmakers ultimately become entwined and finally consumed by Ben's "lifestyle." As much pitch black comedy as it is horrific snapshot of one man's morbid obsession, the film never flinches in it's narrative delivery. With performances across the board that embody their characters with the most enthusiastic and morbid sense of reality; the film teeters on the very edge of decency. Even though the DOG's 20 year anniversary approaches, all of it's social commentary rings more than true today. Watching our "hero" fulfill his "destiny" on a daily basis, discuss in detail his "process," and the indiscriminate way in which he chooses his victims is down right ghastly. There's only two ways to "feel" this film: get swept away in it's chaotic lunacy or be pulled down into the seedy depths of murder.

1992

Directors: Rémy Belvaux, André Bonzel, and Benoît Poelvoorde

Starring: Benoît Poelvoorde

10/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 5: HIGH TENSION

2011-10-05T09:17:00.000-04:00

Mini Review

I remember searching my VOD service for something to watch back in 2003 and stumbling upon this one. I had never heard of it, but thought the synopsis sounded suitably intense. I had absolutely no idea just how quickly, nor intensely, I would fall in love with Aja's brutal work of fiction. A nearly perfect blend of on screen violence, suspense, and score; I was hooked immediately. There are so many complaints from so many "critics" regarding the film's "reveal" or "twist" as it were, that you wonder sometimes how a hatred of the way things "turn" can truly discount everything that comes before and after. In all honesty, for me, there is just no point in arguing the fact. Although there are some issues to be had, these revelations NEVER take me out of the film or lessen HIGH TENSION's gut punches. EVERYTHING that comes before, and everything that comes after is so wonderfully crafted and presented to this viewer that I'm more than happy to suspend disbelief and give myself up to the mayhem. And yes, I know the narrative is VERY similar one of a popular genre author's novel. I can overlook that as well. If there was any prior knowledge on Aja's and co-writer Levasseur's part: so be it. With some of the absolute best genre kills ever captured on film and a break neck pace, HIGH TENSION will always be one of my favorite films of all time.

2003

Director: Alexandre Aja

Starring: Cecile De France and Maiwenn Le Besco

9/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 4: THE MONSTER SQUAD

2011-10-04T15:30:00.000-04:00

Mini Review

We all know the story. At least I hope we do. Dracula is still kicking around and enlists the help of Frankenstein's Monster, The Wolf Man, The Gill Man, and The Mummy to take over the world and rule the day. However, he didn't count on 12 year old Sean Crenshaw and his band of misfit friends to stand in his way. Cast aside from the "cool kids," and joined together as a group of monster loving "geeks," our MONSTER SQUAD is ready to spring into action. One of the most enjoyable parts of the film is the look of the monsters themselves. Due to the fact that UNIVERSAL essentially monopolized the film rights to the monsters' appearances, the makeup team had to tweak their designs. This all (in my opinion) worked out for the best as we get to see some interesting alterations. As much kid horror as it is comedy, nostalgic road trip as coming of age tale: THE MONSTER SQUAD is one of those rare films from the mid-eighties that not only pulls the viewer back to a more innocent and enjoyable time; it also continues to entertain in bucket loads. The kids are great, the dialogue more fun than it has any right to be, and the monsters are equal parts frightening and hilarious. It took nearly 20 years for this one to come out on DVD, giving all of us who had either lost or worn our VHS copies to shit, the chance to share it with our children. Please do.

1987

Director: Fred Dekker

Starring: Andre Gower and Robby Kiger

10/10

D'Ment'D Cinema Presents: It Almost Came From New Jersey

2011-10-03T17:50:00.002-04:00

Looking for something a little different? Those ever inventive nuts over at D'Ment'D Cinema have got you covered!!! Steve and Scott bring you IT ALMOST CAME FROM NEW JERSEY. The first film, at least that I know of, ever presented in 100% genuine READ-O-VISION!!! What is READ-O-VISION you ask? Why don't you click on the picture above and find out; but make sure you have some time. I promise once you get going with this one you won't want to stop. And make sure and check their site frequently: These guys really do some incredibly fun, insightful, and unique work. ENJOY!!!

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 3: NOSFERATU

2011-10-03T15:46:00.001-04:00

Mini Review

Not just one of my top three horror films of all time; I believe NOSFERATU to be a landmark in cinematic history that even today both teaches and engages in equal parts. Banned in Sweden for 50 years because of it's "excessive" horror; it's pace, grain, and narrative are still as haunting to me now as the day I first laid eyes on old rat-face over 25 years ago. As Count Orlok: Max Schreck so hideously embodies the monster that the viewer has no choice but to surrender to the film and become fully immersed in NOSFERATU's world. Being a silent film, many people are reluctant to give this one a shot. However, if there ever was an example of how true horror comes from within and is relayed through the face, body language, and the heart; this is it. Yet, strangely enough, Orlok has only a total of nine minutes screen time throughout the entire run time of the film. It's easy enough to find (being a public domain film) on DVD in a variety of forms, but no matter what butchered version is watched (and there are a ton), the power of Murnau's masterpiece NEEDS to be experienced by any self-respecting genre fan.

1922

Director: FW Murnau

Starring: Max Schreck and Greta Schroder

10/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 2: ABSENTIA

2011-10-02T12:52:00.000-04:00

Mini Review

Without question, one of my favorite films of 2011. Currently making the festival rounds, finishing up a showing on VOD, and preparing for a DVD release early in 2012; Mike Flanagan's haunting gem was a no-brainer to become a Halloween staple. Part creature feature, part psychological horror, and ALL emotional kick in the balls; ABSENTIA is truly a frightening piece of genre cinema. When a woman (and her sister) come to terms with the fact that her missing husband is most assuredly dead (after seven years and no signs); life as they know it becomes more than a little unhinged. As much about what's hiding in the shadows, the film also makes great use of what hides inside all of us. Flanagan ratchets tension and tragedy up one excruciating notch at a time. For genre fans who love a slow build that never once apologizes for taking it's time fraying every single one of it's audiences nerves: ABSENTIA is exactly what horror SHOULD be. A truly great film, from an extremely gifted writer and director, with Parker and Bell turning in pitch perfect performances.

2011

Director: Mike Flanagan

Starring: Katie Parker and Courtney Bell

10/10

31 Days Of Halloween, Day 1: INSIDE

2011-10-01T17:35:00.000-04:00

Mini Review

When it comes to pure, unapologetic horror: there aren't many (if any) films that get it so "right." 2007's French masterpiece INSIDE has been my favorite of the genre since the day I first sat down with it. I couldn't even begin to tell you how many times I've watched the thing. What most fascinates me about Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury's film is it's ability to effect the viewer in so many different ways. It certainly brings the gore; buckets of the red stuff in fact. But it also births an emotional potency that few slash and splat horrors have the balls or desire to even attempt. The sympathy that you feel for Sarah (a soon to be mother simply trying to survive) makes everything that happens both to, and around her, that much more devastating. As La Femme: Beatrice Dalle conjures one of the most terrifying and single-mindedly motivated screen killers of all time. From lights up, until the credits roll: there is absolutely no moment where it's audience feels the need to check a watch or wander an eye. When the narrative finally plays itself out, and all it's sickening twists and turns settle: we have bore witness to the most despicable act that a human is capable of; as well as the realization that in the really "real world," there very often is no place for a happy ending.

2007

Directors: Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury

Starring: Beatrice Dalle and Alysson Paradis

10/10

Script To Screen: Heart Land

2011-09-28T15:24:00.001-04:00

I recently had the opportunity to digest a 108 page feature script written by Matthew A. Collins. Although I don't know the man, I was contacted by producers / members of CENTER MASS STUDIOS and asked if I would care to take a look. Being that my wife frequently points out the fact that all I do is write and watch movies; I figured this would be a chance to show her I can in fact read, while at the same time keeping myself "on track" professionally. I don't read a lot of scripts. The few that I have been asked to look at have come with the request that I do not talk or write about them at all. Usually, someone just wants my input or a little "touch-up" here or there, which is fine by me. However, in this instance, I was quite excited at the chance I'd been given. I was also hopeful that the thing would be halfway decent if they're willing to take some public critiquing. What I did not expect was to be reading something so narratively complex and sure of itself. HEART LAND turns out to be 108 pages of genre hopping goodness. If you really care to slice open the script and categorize it's cinematic innards, here's what you get: tragic coming of age story, nail biting thriller, quietly gestating human drama, and a wholly original take on man's (or children's) fight to survive an oncoming zombie uprising.

Part of me doesn't even feel right using the word "zombie" while discussing the potential film. Don't get me wrong: there is more than enough horror to be found within the pages I was given. I also don't want to discourage zombie fans: they are a horrifying catalyst to the action in the fabric of Collins' words. However, the horror that really punished me while I swam in and out of these character's lives was the loss of innocence. You see, we're not just talking about rednecks on the backs of rusted out pickup trucks filling zombie noggins with buckshot; we're talking about apple-cheeked, wide eyed, little darlings shouldering rifles and targeting flesh crazed ghouls in their cross-hairs. All you have to do is look at the boy above this paragraph and the little girl below to get an idea of what kind of images this piece of writing could spew upon the "screen." As it sits right now: Max Madore and Audrey Vasil Meyers will be playing the parts of SPENCER and TEENY (in an upcoming teaser) respectively. The fact that I've only just recently seen these two little angels is a good thing. I'm not quite sure I could have stomached putting their faces to what I was reading at the time. HEART LAND truly is (at times) that brutal and unforgiving.

You can check out a seven minute video at HEART LAND's Kickstarter page HERE. Don't worry: I'm not selling anything. The project's already surpassed it's funding goal. There's also a FACEBOOK PAGE where you can keep up with the project as well. In the meantime: you can read a pretty thorough (and a bit "spoilery") synopsis below. I'll continue to keep you posted on this one as well, because after having the privilege to read Collins' incredibly moving and heart-wrenching script, I'm hotly anticipating the completion of HEART LAND as a film.

"JONAH (a sweet-faced boy of 11) and his grandfather RICK (72) are out deer hunting. As they haul their kill, a heavy buck, back to their red pick-up, Rick begins to feel a strange nausea come over him. While tying down the majestic beast’s bloodied corpse, Rick collapses to the ground, frothing and seizing.

Jonah does everything he can to help his grandpa, calling 911, attempting CPR, but it is no use. His grandpa’s last breath mists around Jonah’s face in the crisp morning air. But no sooner had his grandpa died, he is up again, straining to walk, his muscles tensed unnaturally and a strange, hungered look in his eye. He comes at Jonah, not as a care-taker, but as a ferocious animal.

Jonah, carrying his .308 hunting rifle, has no choice but to defend himself, putting his grandpa down with one shot like a rabid dog…

7 WEEKS LATER…

On the pock-marked road of an impoverished mid-western town, Jonah rides his bicycle, accompanied by another boy, MIKEY (10 and over-weight). It is like any other small town, with kids riding their bikes, except for one strange detail: it is utterly deserted, not to mention vandalized and decimated. It is a ghost town, with cars abandoned and corpses strewn, wild animals roaming the streets.

Jonah and Mikey are out looking for food, the same .308 hunting rifles that Jonah was hunting with, strapped to their backs. They reach a gas station, and begin to load up on as many supplies as they can carry. When a strange noise attracts Mikey’s attention, he finds the back room is filled with half-dead people, bloodied and strange in their behavior. Now we see what has happened to this world: an outbreak, infection, infestation has turned most people into slavering zombies…

The boys manage to narrowly escape this small horde on their bikes and return to a large, derelict farmhouse surrounded by wheat fields and forest. Eagerly awaiting their return in the house, are several more kids. The eldest, and defacto leader, is WENDY (15 and attractive). There is also a pair of 8-year-old twins, DUSTIN and DREW, a ten-year-old shy girl, KARA, and TYLER, a 13-year-old with a rebellious streak.

Unfortunately, some of the zombies have followed the boys back to the house. As the creatures cross the field, they are picked off from the kitchen window, when Wendy notices one of them: it is her father, and she wants to capture him alive! They lace a can of dog food with sleeping pills, not even sure if it will affect the creature, but nevertheless they place it on the porch and kill off the other zombies as they approach. Miraculously, Wendy’s zombified father lies still on the porch after consuming the meaty dog food. They drag him inside and chain him in the basement, unsure just what Wendy has planned for him…

The next morning, Jonah and Tyler are tasked with heading to a nearby gun store and retrieving more ammunition for their rifles. After the shooting gallery on the previous day they are running dangerously low. On their way however, they get lost and are almost killed by a feral German shepherd. As they flee, pursued by a gang of zombies, the same red pick-up truck from Jonah’s past pulls up at an intersection. It carries several kids, all dressed in Halloween masks and carrying some heavy firepower. They cut down the zombies and rescue Jonah and Tyler.

This small gang of kids is lead by the charismatic Pete (14). They are well-armed and have managed to keep a vehicle running for all this time. Before returning to Wendy’s house, Pete takes them back to their hide-out, a fallout shelter built by one of the kids’ parents. It is chock full of food, drinks, weapons and even has generator power and running water! After a bit of recreation, Pete drives Tyler and Jonah back to their house, with a load of ammunition in tow, as well as two of the other boys: the former school bully DILL (14) and KYLE (13).

Back at the house, Wendy and Pete discuss the idea of moving everyone to the much more secure fallout shelter as the others try to entertain themselves in the living room. When Dill complains of being bored, Tyler decides to reveal their basement dweller to the new kids.

The chained up zombie struggles as Dill and the others begin to “experiment” on it. They start by stabbing it with various tools, burning it with lighters, until eventually Dill decides to cut into its shoulder with a battery-powered saw-blade. The noise draws Wendy’s attention and she discovers them abusing her undead father in the basement.

Furious, she screams at Dill, who brushes her off incredulously. As they argue, the zombie tugs at its bonds: the gash in its shoulder is just enough for it to reach out and clamp its teeth down on Dill’s jugular. Blood sprays in all directions and Wendy snaps, beating the zombie’s head in and then shooting Dill before he himself can turn.

Upstairs, the gunshot frightens Kara who knocks over an oil lamp, setting fire to the upholstery! The burning smell attracts a nearby group of zombies and with no way to douse the fire, the kids all rush to gather supplies and get to the truck. Kyle however, gets caught and bitten, devoured by the creatures.

The rest have no choice but to retreat from the burning house to the confines of the underground fallout shelter. However, they will soon find out that being shut away from the world, crammed together like sardines, may become more dangerous than they first thought. While they would spend most of their time worrying about the danger of the zombies on the surface, the real danger lies between each of them as they begin to lose their grip on reality…”

The 31 Days Of Halloween

2011-09-27T21:25:00.000-04:00

Every year for as many as I can remember, I have celebrated THE 31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN. Each day for all 31 days, I watch a minimum of one "scary" movie and write a brief "mini-review" for each. Every year I get to add some new films, watch some old favorites, and immerse myself in everything the "season" means to me.

Below, please find this year's 31 films IN ORDER. I will be watching each of these starting on OCTOBER 1st and going all the way through ALL HALLOW'S EVE. Play along, stop by and read the reviews, or do your own. Whatever you decide: please enjoy THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!!

Inside

Absentia

Nosferatu

The Monster Squad

High Tension

Man Bites Dog

Long Pigs

Frankenstein (1931)

Dumplings

The Last House In The Woods

Santa Sangre

La Meute (The Pack)

Raw Meat

Dead Hooker In A Trunk

Martyrs

Dread

Murder Party

Shivers (They Came From Within)

The Loved Ones

Combat Shock

Freaks

The Fly (1986)

Ils (Them)

The Thing (1982)

Lake Mungo

Left Bank

Planet Terror

The Poughkeepsie Tapes

Repulsion

Shaun Of The Dead

Halloween (1978)

Lucky McKee Interview

2011-09-27T17:33:00.000-04:00

A conversation with filmmaker LUCKY MCKEE. Director of THE WOMAN which will be in theaters OCTOBER 14th. Click HERE to listen, ENJOY!!!

A Message From The Conduit Cast

2011-09-20T13:51:00.002-04:00

Drive Review

2011-09-16T17:00:00.001-04:00

It's difficult to know where to start when you've truly been cinematically moved. I'll preface this whole piece by saying: if you have trouble listening to someone gush on about what truly great filmmaking does to their soul, how it rearranges their guts, and awakens feelings they thought were lost: move on. Cinema, film, the movies (whatever you'd like to call it) was always THE single most important thing in my life. Once I met my wife and my son was born, it still resonated with me, but in a different way. For years now I've gravitated toward the "genre" film. Those that ingratiate themselves in story-telling and forgo the billion dollar budget. I've become cynical (almost infuriated) with the Hollywood system, gigantic multiplexes, and the theater going mainstream. After sitting through six back to back to back "blockbusters" in one day and tagging the article I wrote about it: THEATER OF PAIN; I was not losing hope... Hope was lost. Much like the emotional scars and jaded nature I carried with me about relationships when I met my wife, the same emptiness and distrust for ANYTHING playing in a wide release at the movies had enveloped me. Much like when I met and fell in love with my wife, I had to take one last chance. I had to convince myself back then to open myself up one last time to the chance of pain in order to love. It was with Nicolas Winding Refn's DRIVE that I again took a chance, I opened myself up to two possibilities: one of my favorite genre filmmakers would be able to defy the odds and produce (within the studio system) a film to love OR the days of emotionally substantial theatrical film were truly gone. Much like that time 10 years ago when I surrendered myself one last time to the possibility of real love and my wife delivered; Refn has proven that there is still substance, emotional gravitas, and most of all: hope for theatrically released genre cinema. I, once again (and to my considerable shock), have fallen in love with THE movie going experience.

With films like PUSHER, BRONSON, and VALHALLA RISING; Refn was one of those directors I adored, respected, and was kind of protective of. When I heard that he took on this project to increase his profile in "the industry," I was initially devastated. Words tumbled through my mind chased by images of explosions, boobs, blood, and mind-numbing camera tricks. Words like: sellout, traitor, and Judas. Yea, I take film THAT seriously. What I experienced however, was something (even though I hoped and prayed for it) even I wasn't constitutionally prepared for. A story of a driver, a woman, her child, their secrets, and the beauty and ugliness that unfurls itself when such a potion is concocted. DRIVE is first and foremost a love story. It's a film peppered with devastating on screen physical violence. DRIVE mainlines adrenaline straight into the heart of film noir. It also is (most importantly) an intimate portrait of how a man's soul can curl up to die in the center of his chest, spring forth for one last shot at love, and then slink back into the shadows amidst unthinkable pain and loss. I have no desire, nor do I think it matters, to run down the bullet points of the plot. What I can tell you, is that every synopsis you'll read about the movie ticks the boxes. It's just not possible to discuss or explain the story in words. The plot isn't just about what you see, it's about what you feel. And that is why DRIVE succeeded so completely for me. That and the fact that everyone involved, but especially Carey Mulligan and Ryan Gosling, shattered the framework of my being with what they evoked in the name of their art. OK, let's take a deep breath. Because yes, there is in fact a narrative here as well. One that I guess I should frame out a bit. But just a bit.

Not only is Ryan Gosling's "Driver" a mechanic and a stunt driver; he's also the get away "guy" for all kinds of different crash and grabs. Not only is Carey Mulligan's "Irene" a love interest and mother to a young boy; she's also the wife of a very screwed up man who when released from prison puts a serious cramp in a blossoming love affair. Only when that previously mentioned husband brings the wrath of some pretty nasty characters down on his "family," does the Driver come back into the picture; for one reason and one reason only: to protect what and who he loves... At any and all cost; with a whole lot of violence, a singularly minded agenda, and a heart full of rage that comes (in part) from a previous life we'll never know. I won't go on and on about the cast. All of which deliver the performances of their careers. Albert Brooks, Bryan Cranston, Ron Perlman, etc...etc... Everyone here is flawless. Every moment is perfect. Every musical queue, song, sound, and silence placed exactly where it needs to be in order to elicit just the right emotion and to accentuate the image Refn is delivering. While I listened in awe and my eyes furiously searched the screen not wanting to miss any detail; I was swept away in a movie theater for the first time in years. I felt like a bad ass when the Driver was kicking ass. My heart swelled along with Irene's during the silent, child like glances she threw at her new "crush." And tears welled up, fell, welled up, and then fell again each time one of our principles lost another emotional battle. I can't say you'll have the same reaction to DRIVE; but then again, I have no idea if there is anyone out there who so desperately needed to be cinematically saved the way I did. Kudos to all involved: the words you spoke, every little quirk you emoted, the images you chose, the music you paraded around in my head, and most of all: for having the talent, the dedication, belief, and desire to put truly great art back up on the "big" screen. I am in love. Again.

2011

Director: Nicolas Winding Refn

Starring: Ryan Gosling and Carey Mulligan

10/10

Chromeskull: Laid To Rest 2 Review

2011-09-15T14:21:00.001-04:00

I truly have no idea why I even sat down with the follow up to Robert Hall's shiny happy slasher from 2009. I really didn't mind LAID TO REST. Truth be told: mainly because everything about it was kind of irrelevant. It didn't need a story, the acting didn't matter, and it was honest and straight forward in it's delivery. It's whole purpose was to showcase the gruesome nature of Chromeskull's kills and it did just that. The original was a no holds barred, balls to the wall, popcorn horror flick; and it worked. The second time around we have the "filmmaker" attempting to do three things: resurrect the killer, bring a multi-layered back story and mythology to his motivations, and up the ante gore-wise. If not for Brian Austin Green, this thing might have been a total waste. S A R C A S M...

I'll do my best to stumble through CHROMESKULL's narrative without quoting IMDB. Honestly, I felt like an 80 year old man trying to figure out the call waiting feature on my new cordless phone. The plot is that confounding. Essentially, it boils down to Tommy and "the girl" fleeing the scene of the first film's conclusion. Chromeskull is whisked away by some secret group headed up by BAG (yes, that's Brian Austin Green, but I love calling him BAG. As in douche bag). Once he's stitched back together, he can continue on his "mission" with BAG working alongside him to tie up loose ends and pout when he's not appreciated by our severely facially deformed (but still chrome-faced) maniac. Throw in Danielle Harris as some kind of well dressed company "yes man," a group of bumbling homicide detectives, and an inconceivably high number of plot holes; and there you have it.

If the idea here was to make a go for the throat slasher with crazy kills and a "menacing" antagonist, then why the attempt at a back story? Especially when you have neither the desire or ability to coherently tell a story. Boy is kidnapped from police station, it's all caught on camera, and yet the police ask the victim to describe his attacker. Detective finds CHRMSKLL license plates in warehouse, calls back to station, and asks how the word on Chromeskull's plates were spelled. "OK, I'll keep looking," she says. How many CHRMSKLL vanity plates are out there? BAG decides to get a chest tattoo in said warehouse (which just so happens to have a tattoo artist on hand), shaves his head, and emerges all Chromeskull'd out in a matter of minutes. I wish my artist worked that fast when he put needle to skin. Workers are reminded to follow Chromeskull's protocol, but there's absolutely no explanation as to what the agenda is, ever. I literally (this is not an exaggeration) could go on and on with this for hours. But to what end? The acting is shit, the script is mind-numbing, and the kills feel like they're spaced days apart because everything in between is indescribably vapid. In 85 minutes, CHROMESKULL managed to infuriate me beyond belief and (I think) produce a golf ball sized, stupidity filled tumor on my brain's frontal lobe. Needless to say: I'll be sending Mr. Hall my medical bills.

2011

Director: Robert Hall

Starring: Chromeskull, Mrs. Megan Fox, and Jamie Lloyd

0/10

A Horrible Way To Die Review

2011-09-14T14:52:00.001-04:00

A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE just sounds cool. The title conjures up all kinds of atrocities and nastiness; maybe we're in for all kinds of cool gore set pieces and "neato" practical effects. Fortunately for me this is and is not the case. See, I'm not so concerned with blood, boobs, and guts anymore. Those days went bye bye when I sold all my laser discs at my mom's last yard sale. I like my horror sprinkled throughout the suffering of the human psyche. All that being said, a more appropriate title for this one may very well have been: A HORRIBLE WAY TO LIVE. But again: not as cool sounding, and at first glance, not quite as provocative. And as the genre world turns there will be those of you that say this film is slow. It doesn't "show" enough. It's too "artsy," and so on. It wouldn't be right of me to call those of you that feel that way names and stomp my feet in disgust. What I will do is proclaim A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE the "nut-shot" genre film of the year and the first film this year that is 100% in this guy's cinematic "wheel-house."

As the film opens, and subsequently progresses, we're carried along to witness the life and death of a kind of love/hate triangle. Garrick is an escaped serial killer running away from the law and toward Sarah. Sarah is a shell of a women both trying to move forward, while simultaneously looking over her shoulder. And Kevin exists as a potential love interest that might just restore Sarah's faith in functional relationships. You see, Sarah and Garrick have a past. Once lovers, both of their lives are now fractured. Upon unraveling her ex-boyfriend's gruesome secret, and turning him in to the police, Sarah now lives in fear with the news that Garrick is on the loose. Although still deeply scarred, she attends AA and is doing her best to rebuild both her life and her spirit. Meeting Kevin in group looks to be a first step in the process. However, much like any tragedy in film (or in life for that matter) the path we hope to take, does not always allow us safe passage.

I so wish I could hammer away at this plot, dissect it, and deliver up just how Wingard's film pried it's way into my guts. That would be an outright betrayal to the storytelling, performances, and visual nuances on display here. Speaking of visual nuances: there's a fuzzy transition thing that Wingard does throughout that I feared would take me out of the film. Instead, it pulled me into the detachment and emotional fog that Sarah was navigating. So, on that little side note, I say bravo. And yes, just in case there was any confusion, A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE does deal with death. Garrick kills, and kills a lot. But what's more striking and horrific is the slow death that Sarah suffers day by day, breath by miserable breath. There's a simplicity and a solemness in Seimetz's performance that has filled me with sadness, but somehow conjured a new respect for a person's will to live, all at the same time. As our "villain," Bowen brings to light a complex character study of a man who's driven (by inner demons beyond his control) to kill, yet isn't all together a bad guy. If that previous statement makes no sense, you might, just now, be grasping how complex these characters are; everyone here is THAT good. But it's Amy Seimetz (as Sarah) who nabs performance of the year, hands down. With her soul-crushing portrayal of "the walking dead," no one can convince me otherwise, period. She's THAT amazing. So (with all that being said) when all's truly said and done, when all the emotional, physical, and spiritual horrors have rolled over and exposed their hideous bellies; Sarah has but one choice: continue down her tragic road to nowhere.

2011

Director: Adam Wingard

Starring: Amy Seimetz, AJ Bowen, and Joe Swanberg

10/10

The Perfect Host Review

2011-09-14T13:35:00.000-04:00

A criminally underused actor, David Hyde Pierce has always been someone I've regarded as having many artistic layers. When I saw that he would be donning his "psycho" cap to play Warwick in THE PERFECT HOST; I was pretty jazzed. Although a bit annoyed that "the powers that be" chose to reveal his character's "turn," I was still hopeful that the performances would more than make up for spoiling the twist. Funny thing is: the performances in this one are really very good, it's the script that's the problem. See, that big twist? The one where Warwick turns out to be a psycho and all? That's just the first turn down a very winding cinematic road. The idiots that cut the film's trailer obviously thought the other 73 revelations were even more gut punching than the first. Yea, I'm angry; but I'm still gonna finish my review.

Through a series of flash backs, flash forwards, and even some that I think went diagonally; we are introduced to a life long crook who has chosen to rob a bank in order to pay for his ailing girlfriend's operation. Of course it's not covered by her insurance. Since the job ends up messy, Jon Taylor is forced to look for a place to hide as well as nurse his wounds. Arriving at Warwick's home and using a postcard found in his mailbox, Jon feigns a mutual friendship, and gains access. After a ton of really fun back and forth: lies are told, boundaries are tested, and eventually the audience finds out that it's not Warwick that needs to be afraid. Hunter becomes prey, people's sanity is pulled into question, and then the whole bottom falls out of this wet bag of shit.

Again, I don't blame the actors here. Except for the fact that they still agreed to be in this thing after reading the third act of the script. Crawford and Pierce are excellent on screen together, especially when they are working within the stressful confines of Warwick's home. However, when it comes time for them to follow the director blindly into the last third of THE PERFECT HOST, it's like the flush heard round the world. Perhaps even more infuriating than watching a really badly made film, is watching a film that has everything going for it, but wants more. It's like being married to the love of your life, your best friend, the mother of your children; then pissing it all away on a two dollar whore because you want to taste the forbidden fruit. Tomney directs here, but he's also credited as the writer. Shame on you sir. With all the makings of something truly unnerving and grimly enjoyable, you pissed it all away. And for what? A case of genital warts and a pile of divorce papers.

2011

Director: Nick Tomnay

Starring: David Hyde Pierce and Clayne Crawford

3/10

Microcinema Review

2011-09-09T22:30:00.002-04:00

Let me be VERY clear right now. There are a lot of things you can do in six minutes. I've done absolutely no research on the matter, so I have no conclusive data to back this up. However, if you'll humor me, I may just be able to pull together some kind of coherent statement. Oh, six minutes, right. Let's say that the average human can do at least one of the following in six minutes: have a satisfying bowel movement, cut all ten finger and toe nails, smoke a cigarette (not one of those super thin, super long ones), or sit by helplessly as sounds and images rattle your cage and churn away at the contents of your belly. Of course I chose the latter, even though I didn't know I had at the time. See, when I sat down to watch Skip Shea's six minute short film MICROCINEMA, I figured I was in for one of three things: a really solid work, a bite size film that left me feeling nothing, or one of those that makes me want to substitute rat poison for the salt on my dinner table. Those are the three categories all art falls into for me, always. Yet, when it was all said and done, Shea's vignette carved a whole new icky slot out just for itself.

The whole thing is set up quickly (obviously), but rather efficiently. We're thrown right into Peter's living room as he sits in front of his camera preparing his message to any and all sickos that will be watching later. Apparently our masked psycho with the "Dutch Boy" hair quite enjoys settling down late at night with a tub of extra buttery movie theater popcorn and the prerequisite "snuff" film. It would appear the only real issue he has is that he no longer wants to watch the suffering. He yearns to be the catalyst. Peter wants to be the cinematographer, director, and star of his very own, 100% authentic, "snufferific cinema fantastique!" He'll then (of course) charge other lowlifes a fee so anyone who sees fit, can have this nastiness beamed into their home from a private, untraceable Eastern European location. He also knows just the spot to find his first costar/victim: a rarely travelled path that leads through a "haunted" New England woods. Seems he's had his eye on a young lady who walks that path alone daily.

I gotta say, initially, that "Dutch Boy" hair really caught me off guard. I know: petty, but it was weird. Just when I was about to call my stylist, Peter opens his mouth. Alex Lewis pulls off a pretty deft sociopath here. The monologue he delivers to initiate the viewer gets increasingly creepy as he lays out it's foundation. Two minutes into this thing: I was all in, and more than ready to see him execute his sickening plan. Again, with brisk run times, short films must be aware of how quickly they need to grab their audience. On the other side of the proverbial coin: those involved also NEED to be very cognisant of how quickly they can also lose their audience. It's a rather tenuous juggling act. I've witnessed more than a few filmmakers "drop" the chainsaws and bowling balls. Skip Shea does not. Once our hunter gathers up his equipment, spots his prey, and follows her down the "haunted" path, IT... IS... ON. "Excuse me Miss, could you please hold my camera..." No, this is not a ghost story. However, what HARVEST TIDE has released here is more than a little terrifying. MICROCINEMA is not for the squeamish. I'll be the first to admit that usually when this kind of stuff unfolds on screen, I'm the guy grinning from ear to ear. I (however) was so caught off guard, I could only muster some kind of strange gurgle in the back of my throat. A fantastically satisfying gurgle I might add. But a gurgle nonetheless. So, it is with a pretty high recommendation that I implore you to visit the site here, drop your .99, and let the sickness play out before your own eyes.

2011

Writer/Director: Skip Shea

Starring: Alex Lewis and Aurora Grabill

9/10

Harvest Tide Productions Brings The Pain... And Some Pleasure

2011-09-08T22:48:00.005-04:00

WHAT THEIR WEBSITE SAYS: HARVEST TIDE PRODUCTIONS, LLC produces original new media content and ancillary products. The accomplished team consists of 7-time Emmy Award Winning Cinematographer- William Smyth, Actor, Screenwriter, and Wrestling Hall of Famer- William Decoff, Award Winning Independent Filmmaker, Producer, and Writer- Skip Shea, and Marketing Expert and Actress- Emily King.

WHAT I SAY: HARVEST TIDE PRODUCTIONS looks to have a lot going on and some pretty lofty aspirations. But who am I to poop on other people's parades. After doing a little digging around I found that those involved really do- not only know their shit, but have their artistic hearts and aspirations profoundly planted in the right place. I'm officially on board having peeked their promo for an upcoming web series which we'll "get to" in just a moment; and also having my coconut officially shattered from watching a "pull the rug out from under you" short they've recently unleashed. More on that later as well.

WHAT THEIR WEBSITE SAYS: Currently in pre-production and due out in 2012, LONGREACH is every horror enthusiasts' dream. Originally written as a feature film, the screenplay was runner up in Michael Corrente’s Horror Film Competition. The New England all-star cast is sure to make a big splash with scream-queen Sarah Nicklin, talented Michael Reed, LA actress Jessica Sonneborn, and a couple of exciting surprises that will be announced soon.

WHAT I SAY: Not sure how to put this one into words. We get some beautiful beach locations, a calm and soothing narration of the town and the people in it. Once we start putting pictures to the story, the tone takes a VERY bleak and sinister turn. There's a bit of bloodshed, a whole lot of questionable behavior by the "principles," and (the a fore mentioned) Emily King participating in some pretty twisted extracurricular activities. Needless to say: my interest is more than a little piqued. The whole thing has a kinda sorta "TWIN PEAKS meets SPIDER BABY at a bar, gets her pregnant, and 9 months later this little bastard is born" kinda vibe. But I digress.

Oh, and that short film my coconut's still recovering from? It's called MICROCINEMA and I'll be giving a full review on my experience with that one tomorrow. So come back for that, but in the meantime, go here and read up on everything I've just spewed forth. You can also see the trailer for MICROCINEMA or drop .99 (not bad at all) and watch the LONGREACH promo, full MICROCINEMA short (download or stream), and get a shit ton of other goodies and inside info. So, until tomorrow; I'm off to try and scrub away whatever it was that 6 minute video stuck to my eyeballs.

Murder Loves Killers Too Review

2011-09-08T19:31:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I watch a film and for the life of me can't figure out why the fuck I haven't turned it off. Films that are derivative beyond comprehension in their use of stereotypes and genre cliches. Films that hold onto their "barely there" plot with the most tenuous of grips. Films like MURDER LOVES KILLERS TOO that have no business at all being the least bit enjoyable. The movie is not one of those: "so good it's bad" type of deals. It's more of a "so borderline that you wait for it to really go south" or "elevate itself just enough to make it fun" type of deals. While watching it, I waited for one of these two things to happen; and neither did. I was sure it would as the run time ticked by. But it didn't. What it did do was hold my attention just enough to get to the final 10 or so minutes. Which just happen to be some of the most awkward, strange, and narratively incomprehensible moments I've seen in a kinda sorta really not good film in years.

The whole thing revolves around a group of friends who head out to a mountain cabin for a little rest, relaxation, drinking, and canoodling. Been there, done that, yes. There's also a killer on the loose who goes by the name of Big Stevie, yup. Big Stevie's problem is apparently that "murder" is how he has "sex." True story. So as our group of "dumb as rocks" protagonists wander off, get sliced up, drink, fuck, talk about drinking, and talk about fucking; their numbers dwindle to one. You guessed it: our final girl. There's some blood, a few guts, and pretty "OK" violence along the way. The strange thing is that we get to our final girl cliche with about 30 minutes left in the film. And for a movie that clocks in right around 75 minutes, that's just odd. Because of this, there's a ton of stalking, a good amount of catching the prey, and just as much escaping the killer. On and on it goes until the whole thing switches gears mid third act and the viewer is taken out of the wilderness and straight down a suburban "rabbit hole."

A film like this, I just can't put my finger on. The production values most definitely scream low budget. Not in a good or bad way. The location really doesn't add much of anything to the story, but it most definitely does not detract from it either. Although the gore effects are a bit repetitious, they're pretty well done: we don't have much of that "panning away from the grue because we can't afford it or don't know how to pull it off" stuff on display here. Stevie's actually pulled off quite well by Allen Andrews with his monotone delivery and accountant-like appearance. His twisted dialogue is delivered so calmly is does chill a bit. Just a bit. The fact that the film sways between comedy, torture porn, 80's slasher, and dark drama so inexplicably is quite unnerving. MURDER LOVES KILLERS TOO has boobs, it's got blood, and it adequately ticks all it's boxes. It's that God damned finale that's still got my noodle in a bunch. The upstairs noodle, not the downstairs one. I just don't know if I liked it, loved it, or loathed it. The one thing it does have going for it is that it kept me watching long enough to "reward" me with a quirky and darkly comedic book end that has stuck with me way too long. But it also left a little smile on my face as the end credits rolled. So there's that.

2009

Director: Drew Barnhardt

Starring: Allen Andrews and Christine Haeberman

?/10... Yes. That IS a question mark.

Red State Review

2011-09-06T14:37:00.000-04:00

Kevin Smith's RED STATE was (surprise, surprise) a genre film I had been eagerly awaiting. Not because I hold Smith up to any God-like status. I certainly don't worship him or his other works in any way. Although I quite enjoyed CLERKS and found DOGMA watchably fun; I'm not much of a comedy kid, that's just the way it is. What had me so intrigued was the topical subject matter, watching a more than capable filmmaker change genre gears at high speed, and seeing just how inflammatory his take on church and state would get. After reading what I had chosen to about the film, listening to Smith talk about it, and observing his gleeful dance with distribution unfold; RED STATE surprised me in one big way before I even watched it: the run time. Don't get me wrong: I have no problem with films that clock in under 90 minutes or well over two hours, so long as they have a story to tell. However, with it's subject matter, I anticipated something on an epic scale, not 88 minutes; 81 minutes without credits. Truth be told, not only do I NOT think RED STATE needed to be longer; I don't know if I could have taken much more of it.

The story is simple enough, yet doesn't feel stale in delivery OR execution. Three high school boys set up a rendezvous over the Internet, set out to meet the woman, and have a little accident (which sets a critical part of the tale in motion) along the way. Once they arrive at the trailer, they (being that this is all a set up) are drugged and wake up in the clutches of Abin Cooper (Michael Parks) and his fanatical church / family. Equal parts Westboro Baptist Church and Branch Davidians; the group gives new meaning to the term "nuclear family." They are organized, they are single minded in their interpretation of the Bible, and they have absolutely NO tolerance for the sexually adventurous, homosexuality, or the outside world. Perhaps most frighteningly of all is Cooper's penchant for twisting any and every passage in said "good book" to fit the needs of their current situation. This group of zealots doesn't just practice what is preached to them: they EXECUTE it (and those different from them) with great fervor. Once the shit hits the fan for both the hunters and their prey, a whole new dimension of RED STATE unfolds with a compound standoff and John Goodman's ATF Agent Joseph Keenan at the center of it all.

The performances here are tremendous across the board, but it's John Goodman and Michael Parks that elevate the narrative to emotionally charged heights. If at least one of them don't get a nomination come Oscar time, we'll know that Hollywood had no desire to associate itself with "the controversial." Their monologues, which bookend the film, and their performances throughout are both the lifeblood, and piss and vinegar that Smith and his dialogue desperately needed to catapult RED STATE into "must see" territory. And when I said I didn't know if I could take much more than 80 minutes of this movie? Yes, it's that psychologically devastating, in a very good AND bad way. You will most likely come down in Agent Keenan's camp: he's the only real "protagonist" to be found here. Truth be told, I don't know how you could actually take one groups "side" once you really THINK about RED STATE's message. Both religious "fanatics" and our "government" are painted in such a light that you have no choice but to throw up twice in your mouth. And as far as being billed a horror film? There's not much more horrific than what you'll witness here. It's not about the "gore" with this one; although there are a couple of wince inducing moments. It's the human suffering that's dished out to virtually ever character (even the most tertiary) in equal parts that is most horrific. The stuff of TRUE horror. The pain (both physical and emotional) that man endures at the hands of his fellow man.

2011

Director: Kevin Smith

Starring: John Goodman and Michael Parks

9/10

12 Assassins: A Dozen Directors Who Keep My Attention

2011-09-02T12:52:00.002-04:00

Darren Aronofsky
How He's Kept My Attention: Love him or hate him, there's always something to respect. A dedicated visualist obsessed with inner madness and self-destruction. I've always found Aronofsky's ability to focus on the monster inside us all to be his greatest artistic asset. It may not always resolve itself in a traditional manner, but the way he brings a character's arc to a close is always profound.

Career Highlights:

REQUIEM FOR A DREAM, THE WRESTLER, BLACK SWAN

David Cronenberg
How He's Kept My Attention: A career founded on and most recognized for his fascination with "body horror," Cronenberg is as much an artist as he is an enigma. Now in the later half of his career, he seems to be reinventing himself with more explosive character pieces. However, they are no less emotionally (and sometimes) physically violent. I watch and enjoy anything this man commits to celluloid.

Career Highlights:

SHIVERS, THE BROOD, THE FLY

David Fincher
How He's Kept My Attention: I'm sure there are plenty of haters who just can't accept the fact that visually, Fincher will absolutely deliver in spades with each film he releases. Although not a very big reboot/remake fan, I still am more than a little bit interested to see how he brings THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO to life this December. If nothing else, he'll ALWAYS pique my interest.

Career Highlights:

SEVEN, FIGHT CLUB, ZODIAC

Gaspar Noe
How He's Kept My Attention: It's hard to really put into words just how daring Noe is as an artist. Every single film he spews forth seems to push genre film-making even further into the unexpected. Not only does the viewer find themselves swept away visually, but intensely effected emotionally. There are moments of such pure despair in his work, it's as if he feeds off the audience's suffering.

Career Highlights:

I STAND ALONE, IRREVERSIBLE, ENTER THE VOID

Harmony Korine
How He's Kept My Attention: Korine is just plain weird. And I mean that in the most complimentary way possible. Bursting on the scene through his gifts as a writer, what he does behind the camera is no less controversial or unsettling. There may not be a more volatile or thematically filthy artist working today. If you ever have the chance to see this captivating oddball interviewed, do yourself a favor: don't miss it.

Career Highlights:

KIDS (writer), GUMMO, TRASH HUMPERS

Lars Von Trier
How He's Kept My Attention: He doesn't always come off as the most intelligent chap, and quite honestly should more often than not keep his mouth shut. However, he's the real deal when it comes to subversive genre cinema and he speaks volumes with each project. MELANCHOLIA looks to continue this trend; most likely dividing and frustrating audiences along the way. There might not be a more ignorantly talented filmmaker working today.

Career Highlights:

BREAKING THE WAVES, DANCER IN THE DARK, ANTICHRIST

Martin Scorsese
How He's Kept My Attention: This pick may seem like a no-brainer, but the man really is a genius. Although I still find his early works to be his most moving; even his more recent films have maintained much of his hard edge and swagger. An unassuming human who speaks quite softly, but carries a rather large stick when delivering emotional and physical violence on the screen. A living legend.

Career Highlights:

TAXI DRIVER, RAGING BULL, GOODFELLAS

Michael Haneke
How He's Kept My Attention: A director who seems to rather aggressively shift gears with each new film, Haneke is most certainly never boring. Even in his more subdued films and/or moments, there's genuine pathos and suffering. The most refreshing thing about this man is his inherent desire to not give a second thought as to what mainstream cinema or audiences think they want. He force-feeds his vision in heaping spoon fulls.

Career Highlights:

FUNNY GAMES, TIME OF THE WOLF, THE WHITE RIBBON

Nicolas Winding Refn
How He's Kept My Attention: Although it appears that Refn may be trying his darnedest to break into the Hollywood mainstream with his latest project; it does not erase what he has done to this point. An obviously talented visualist and storyteller, I only hope that he does not abandon his heart all together. Another filmmaker who's not afraid to plumb the depths of a man's soul to unearth the evil in us all.

Career Highlights:

PUSHER, BRONSON, VALHALLA RISING

Paul Thomas Anderson
How He's Kept My Attention: PT Anderson is a fascinating story. Learning about his beginnings as a filmmaker and how long some of his film's ideas gestate within is the stuff of legend. The fact that most, if not all, of his projects are so divisive speaks to his single mindedness as an artist. Most assuredly marching to the beat of his own drum, he has (so far) continued to intrigue and surprise with many of his choices.

Career Highlights:

BOOGIE NIGHTS, MAGNOLIA, THERE WILL BE BLOOD

Takashi Miike
How He's Kept My Attention: The man is a machine, plain and simple. Often releasing more than one film a year; describing him as prolific does not do him justice. If you're looking for brutality, quark, and filth on a global cinematic scale; you'll find it in Miike. Unique, diverse, and relentless in his ambition, even his MASTER'S OF HORROR episode curled toes and alarmed censors upon it's completion.

Career Highlights:

AUDITION, VISITOR Q, ICHI THE KILLER

Todd Solondz
How He's Kept My Attention: If Harmony Korine had an older, slightly more polished brother; Solondz would be it. Utterly disturbing and sickeningly quirky in content, his body of work is definitely strange if not a bit frightening. If you take the stance that he is a filmmaker who puts to celluloid the exact contents of his twisted mind; you may find yourself a bit queasy. He expertly expresses the morbidly comedic with sinister intentions.

Career Highlights:

WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE, HAPPINESS, PALINDROMES

Dream Home Review

2011-08-30T14:30:00.001-04:00

Asian horror: a mixed bag for sure. Long gone are the days of the J-Horror obsession and the long haired "twitchy" ghost girl. Incidentally, I grew tired of that little shit quite quickly. However, the reality based, man as monster films, have always been a favorite of mine. No, I'm not talking MACHINE GIRL and the like; I'm referring to films such as AUDITION, OLDBOY, THIRST, and ICHI THE KILLER. These films are unapologetically brutal, filled with pitch black comedic moments, and dripping with social commentary; so far be it from the Chinese to be relegated to second or third fiddle behind the Koreans and Japanese. By way of Hong Kong and delivered in Cantonese, DREAM HOME not only ups the ante in terms of creative ways to shed blood, but it uses some very real societal contexts to drive it's gruesome narrative.

Cheng Lai has what many would consider to be a fairly reasonable ambition: to live in a comfortable home she can call her own and she's more than happy to work hard to obtain it. Essentially slaving away day and night to save enough to fulfill this life long dream, she seems to be no closer to making it a reality. It's actually quite profound and topical. In a country where we complain about and suffer the wrath of gas prices, foreclosures, and unemployment; DREAM HOME makes it clear that we might not have it quite so bad. You see, in a year when my wife and I essentially built OUR dream home, it cost us roughly $200 per square foot. As the opening credits on the film roll, we're informed that in Hong Kong, an apartment in a high rise can cost upwards of $3600 (American dollars) per square foot. How 'bout them apples? So despite her best efforts, Cheng is devastated when her dream appears to vanish like a fart in the wind. Queue a bit of madness, a really strong drive not to give up her quest, and a maddeningly well executed plan and we have ourselves one of the most creative and deliciously mean spirited films in recent memory.

As Cheng Lai, Josie Ho is an absolute beast. Invigorated with a single-mindedness that can not be squashed, our heroine(?) goes on a rampage to get what she feels she has earned. With flash backs to childhood memories peppered in to supplement what is currently on display, it's hard not to sympathize with her plight. That is until she takes out a pregnant woman with barely a blink of an eye and absolutely no regard for the life inside her womb. The violence in DREAM HOME balances itself between giddy gooey-ness and emotional devastation. What's so striking about this dichotomy, is that everything about the film's pendulum swings so perfectly and effectively from the emotional to the intellectual and back that it kind of takes your breath away. If you enjoy seeing another culture's curtain pulled back, exposing the inner workings of a society quite different than our own: DREAM HOME delivers. If you long for creative kills and gore that literally makes the roof of your mouth tingle with glee: look no further. And last but not least: if you like your killers to be dripping in shades of grey rather than a black and white stereotype: you'll find it in spades here. It's streaming on Netflix now, so you don't need to look far for a film that will entertain, disturb, and give that empty space between your ears a workout.

2010

Director: Ho-Cheung Pang

Starring: Josie Ho

9/10

Don't Let Him In Review

2011-08-29T15:00:00.001-04:00

I don't quite remember why (now that I've re-watched the thing) but the first time I saw the trailer for DON'T LET HIM IN, I was more than a little excited. It looked moody, atmospheric, and pretty darn brutal. It appeared to boast some gruesome practical effects and was coming out of the UK. Now, don't get me wrong: I'm not saying that every "across the pond" production is gold, but for some reason, even bad dialogue can be swallowed a bit easier when delivered with that gentle accent. I'm not really positive, but for me, it works like this: when I watch a more conventional horror film (slasher in particular) the closer I get to an American production, the less I can overlook and forgive things like a poorly written script, sub par performances, and dodgy direction. And no, before you start winding yourself up, I do not hate America. I more or less figure if I'm going to watch a somewhat derivative narrative unfold, I'd much rather do it against a less familiar backdrop. So I went in hopeful, yet cautious. And those practical gore effects? They didn't disappoint. As for the rest of the production...

The story kicks off rather typically with lovers Paige and Calvin ready to head out for holiday and get a dose of R & R. Calvin's sister Mandy has been invited to join them, but throws the couple a curve ball when she dumps her one night stand Tristan in their lap and begs his inclusion. Although they reluctantly agree, the foursome heads off and together touch down in the quaint countryside. It's not long before Tristan's "snobbery" and warnings from locals about a serial killer known as "The Tree Surgeon" begin to severely dampen their spirits. With the arrival of a bruised and battered stranger, body parts swinging from tress, and the continued suspicions thrown in Tristan's direction; DON'T LET HIM IN's narrative spins on.

So, remember that whole thing about genre cliches and poor execution being easier to endure with a foreign cast and groovy accent? Forget about it. DON'T LET HIM IN is a rank entry into the serial killer cannon that can not be redeemed. From the door, the two character's that are really the catalyst of the film's dramatic thrust grate beyond acceptability. Mandy and Tristan are infused with such little energy by Gemma Harvey and Gordon Alexander (respectively) that I didn't even want to get in the car with them, let alone take THE ride. Worse still, visually, the whole thing is delivered more than a little unevenly. If there was a story, it would take you out of it. Moving jarringly from highly polished to horribly lit, it's more than a little unnerving. The moments of character exposition feel like they should be a joke, but are not played for comic effect in the least. When the local "Keystone Cop" warns the group about a serial killer on the loose in their area and states that they've arrested people in connection with the crimes, yet they continue; it's hard not to turn this stinker off. There's even a scene early on where a teacher takes her art class into the woods to sketch. Of course, one of the students wanders away and calmly sits down, proceeding to (without an ounce of shock or dismay) draw the severed torso which hangs before her in a nearby tree. Seriously? I imagine this could have all worked a bit better wrapped up as a horror comedy; but it wasn't. At least I don't think it was.

2011

Director: Kelly Smith

Starring: Sophie Linfield and Sam Hazeldine

2/10

The HarLo Connection

2011-08-25T17:00:00.001-04:00

There's a couple of genre community vets teaming up and I'd be remiss if I didn't bring it to your attention. The site is just getting started and is a work in progress. However, since I don't do breaking news here, I figured I'd try to "scoop" my first story. Char Hardin and James DePaolo are working together to bring you a podcast, of which the first episode should be available very soon. So click here, follow them, and return to listen to and/or download the very first episode of The HarLo Connection.

Char has already worked her magic on her own website and her GIRL'S NIGHT OUT genre podcast. James is a writer for CINEMA HEAD CHEESE and WICKED CHANNEL and has been a guest on my show more than once. I can't look into a crystal ball and guarantee you anything. But one thing I'm absolutely sure of is that you'll be reading and listening to a couple of real genre film fans who enjoy what they do and wear their love of the films and their community on their sleeves. ENJOY!

The 2010 Conduits: Revisited

2011-08-24T23:06:00.001-04:00

Best Film
Red, White, and Blue

Best Director
David Blyth: Wound

Best Performance
Peter Marshall: The Horseman

Best Performance That Wasn't A Performance
Rodleen Getsic: The Bunny Game

Best Screenplay
Gregg Holtgrewe: Dawning

Best Practical Effects
Chris Bridges: Long Pigs

Best Score
Amer

Best Location
Kansas In Winter: Fetch (American Maniacs)

Best Silent Performance
Mads Mikkelsen: Valhalla Rising

Best Use Of An Inanimate Object
Adam Rehmeier (His Camera): The Bunny Game

Most Tragic Finale
The Whole Family: Sella Turcica

Best Use Of CGI
Enter The Void

Best Documentary
Exit Through The Gift Shop

Laziest Film

Vanishing On 7th Street

Most Inept Direction
Tim Sullivan: 2001 Maniacs: Field Of Screams

Totally Wooden Performance
Wes Craven (As Director): My Soul To Take

Ability To Write A Script Someone Already Wrote For You
Matt Reeves: Let Me In

Achievement In Making A Movie Someone Already Made
Adam Green: Hatchet 2 (It Was Called Hatchet and That Someone Was You)

Really Bad CGI Award
The Wolfman

Ridiculously Bombastic Music In A Film
Shutter Island

Best Use Of 3D Technology

Every Film That Chose Not To Use The Technology

Worst Finale
Night Of The Demons Remake

Wish You Were Alive So You Could Receive An Award... Award
Hayden Christensen

Wish You Were Dead So You Could Receive An Award... Award
Tyler Perry

Hell's Ground

2011-08-23T18:06:00.002-04:00

Here it is kids!!! Omar Khan's 2007 Horror film Hell's Ground. Much like any memorable RONCO product, this film does many things simultaneously. It's a zombie film, it's a slasher, it's Pakistan's first entry in the horror canon. No, wait; it's all three! Clocking in at a brisk 78 minutes, one may be wondering how they were able to successfully marry both of these sub-genres into one film. Well, Khan didn't really succeed. Not that Hell's Ground isn't enjoyable. It just doesn't know what it wants to be about. Perhaps I should clarify by saying it IS a slasher, but wants to have a zombie apocalypse as it's backdrop. That, in my opinion, is where it loses any hope of being a rush of a film watching experience and merely becomes fun. There's certainly nothing wrong with a fun movie. It is however, disappointing when you see the potential for an invigoratingly oddball film quickly descend into just a fun movie.

Hell's Ground begins by introducing us to our five Pakistani teenage leads. We are shown their various living conditions, as our protagonists all come from different socio-economic households. This is a nice way to introduce the non-Pakistani audience to a little of their culture. From the beginning, I was pretty excited at the prospect of taking a peak behind the curtain of Middle Eastern civilization. Throughout the film there are glimpses of cultural elements so foreign to a North American viewer that it's downright fascinating. It's kind of like watching March of the Penguins and having one cute little waddle bird rip the other's throat out.

Once our five leads have lied their way out of their respective homes, they meet up and head out on the road in a dilapidated “Mystery Machine” of a van. It seems their destination is a “rock” concert of sorts that their parents would hardly approve of. At this point I was thoroughly along for the ride. So when the cell phone service failed and the van ran out of gas, I was able to wave out the window at these annoying horror cliches as I passed them on the side of the proverbial dirt road. At this point, the director suddenly channels Lucio Fulci and we have our first zombie encounter. To call this a giddy moment of zombie goodness would be an understatement. It REALLY felt less reminiscent and more authentic than anything else. Much like Ti West's House of the Devil, I was genuinely transported into another time. Sadly, the film moves away from this zombie tease and into slasher territory. Not that I don't love slashers. I just thought I was watching a zombie film!

Suddenly, midway through act two we get grubby, toothless, backwoods people popping up and thrilling us with their oddness. The atmosphere here was certainly palpable. The wooded location and characters lack of dental hygiene really added to the nasty feel of the film. As our principles begin to separate, looking for any type of assistance, we are introduced to our primary antagonist. This burqa wearing behemoth is in his own right, pretty damn creepy. Imagine if Leatherface had been the one wearing the sheet and glasses in the bedroom instead of Michael Myers. The gore is there. However, what you get is aftermath gore. Often times when budgets become a crutch you have filmmakers that can't show the cutting, just the blood. Although this is a bit of a disappointment, it really did not pull me out of the film. What pulled me out of the film was wondering where the damn zombies went. In any event, all hell breaks loose and the battle for survival is on.

All things considered, Hell's Ground does not break any new “ground.” What it does do however, through no effort on it's director's part, is bring Pakistani horror to us. That is not intended to be an insult. He is a Pakistani filmmaker, who made a Pakistani horror film. Thus, he obviously and unintentionally brought us a Pakistani horror film. Once I resigned myself to the fact that I was not getting much of anything different (just from a different world) from this director; I really was able to enjoy it. The acting was pretty solid, the direction was serviceable, and as I stated before: the cultural elements really did interest me. Will this film be added to my DVD collection? More than likely not. I can however, say with all honesty, that while not a masterpiece in any way, this movie falls solidly into the “wow, I'm really glad I got to see this” category. Final thoughts: Hell's Ground is a fun little film, it slices, it dices, it entertains.

2007

Director: Omar Khan

Starring: Ashfaq Bhatti and Sultan Billa

7/10