Sometimes I wonder what I get myself into. Yes... CHOPPING MALL. It seems eight teenagers have decided to have a party in a super duper high tech mall. Unfortunately for them, they're not able to leave before the whole place goes on lock down for the evening. To make matters worse the shopping center is patrolled by a small group of "neato" futuristic security guard robots. One small directive glitch later, and our eight "innocent enough" trespassers become the target of the homicidal tin cans. Armed with only what they can find in the stores around them, the kids do their very best to stay alive until the security system deactivates upon the mall's morning reopening. Unfortunately for them (and fortunately for us) a ton of blood gets shed in the meantime.
I can say without hesitation it has been at least 20 years since I've seen CHOPPING MALL. My mom took me to our local drive-in upon its release, and that is the only time I've had the pleasure. I had very limited recall when it came to this one, but I do remember laughing my ass off through it's entire run time. There might not be a more dated and "time capsuled" film in existence. It is absolutely an 80's horror film that can only translate one way: extreme camp. And that's just fine. Getting to see Dick Miller grumble and fuss, Barbara Crampton be Barbara Crampton, Johnny 5 go ape shit, and annoying teens get sliced and diced is all I ever asked for anyway. It's a wonderful trip down memory lane even if it is a pretty awful movie. Coming back to it after all this time makes me wonder what in the Hell my mother thought sitting and watching this with me in the open air while I gorged on stale popcorn and flat soda. Probably the same thing I think when my son wants to download the latest pop song of the moment: What has the world come to? [6/10]
Kelli Maroney, Tony O'Dell, Russell Todd